


Heaven's Gate

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-05-21
Updated: 2005-06-16
Packaged: 2018-12-27 00:56:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 22,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12070467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian finds himself in a situation even he can't talk himself out of.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

What the Fuck?”

Brian stared round him at the swirling white clouds. 

He looked ahead at the white pearly bars, luminescent and looking as if they stretched on up forever.

“Where the fuck am I?”

“Ah yes, Mr Kinney, a little earlier than we were expecting but I will endeavour to make you as comfortable as possible. The Boss will be with you in a minute.”

Brian glared at the vision, its large snowy wings neatly tucked in behind his back and a blue clipboard held in his arms.

 

Brian was about to make some snide remark, when he noticed the pearly gates swinging wide.

As he stepped through them, he looked down, noticing he was now dressed in white. He smirked to himself remembering the last time he had worn all white was at the fabulous White Party.

He continued along the path till he came to a brilliantly rainbow-coloured garden.

“Oh my God, you!?”

“Yes me, you little arsehole!”

Debbie glided over to her favourite adopted son, looking down at him with a mixture of exasperation and love.

“How the fuck?”

“Hey, remember where you are!”

“Is this really? I am I in Heaven?”

“No Hell really has the pearly gates, Saint Peter and angels floating around, plus the Garden of Eden of course.”

“No need to be sarcastic!”

“Well, once more you’ve fucked up, Kinney. You’ve put us in a very awkward situation. You’re early, you were supposed to have time to atone and then die; but you had to have your dick sucked by someone who had no idea that you had high blood pressure and were heading for a stroke, didn’t you?”

“So I’m dead then?” the words came out flatly, no emotion showed on Brian’s face.

“Oh no you don’t! You can’t get away with shutting down any more. The senior angels, including Vic and I feel we should give you a choice, but you have to make that choice with an open mind and heart.”

“Choice, what choice? I’m fucking dead!”

“Yes honey, but you can’t stay here,” Deb said gently.

“Then what, I go to Hell, Purgatory? What?” Brian sounded much more like his old self now; pissed off.

“Calm down, you’ll have another stroke!”

“Ha, ha very funny, what am I gonna do? Die twice?”

Deb’s lips twisted in a half smile, “Vic, bring in the scales, I think they’re still on the sink!”

Saint Vic brought in the golden scales, heavily weighted on one side.

“Now honey this side has all the good things you did, like defending your mum from your dad, protecting your sister, being a great friend to Mikey, giving to charity when no one was looking, etc. This side has all the wrongs you have done to people, including all the snide put-downs, cruel treatment of tricks, who had the temerity to want more, leading Mikey on, etc. As you can see because of the sheer volume of tricks the scales say you should really be cast into the depths of Hades. But we know what a good heart you really have, so like I said we have decided to give you a choice.”

“What is it?” Brian tried hard to keep the slight tremor from his voice, refusing to let even God know he was truly scared at the thought of everlasting Hell.

“There’s a young gay boy who is in desperate need of a friend and mentor. He has been going through a really hard time. We think you could be that friend.”

“Or?”

“Or you can elect to go to hell.”

“What kind of a fucking choice is that? I can choose to babysit some useless fucking twink, that I probably wouldn’t give the time of day to; let alone fuck or I can face the fires of Hell?”

“Yup, that’s the choice.”

Brian looked wildly around, his eyes not really focusing on the garden or Debbie’s implacable face. 

He felt trapped.

“Before you make up your mind, perhaps you would like to see the ‘useless twink’?”

Deb parted the clouds and Brian was abruptly looking at a stunningly gorgeous young male body with bloody bandages around his head being carted from an ambulance into an emergency room.

“I- I-I’ll do it,” he stammered.

“Done.” This time Debbie’s voice no longer sounded like the loving surrogate mother he knew and loved but the true voice of God, resonating with the sound of eternity.

Brian looked behind his back and gave a rueful grin as he surveyed his brand new wings, complete with black feathers.


	2. Heaven's Gate

"Now you understand, no one will know you died; everything in your life will be exactly as it was before; almost."

“Well, yeah, I fucking died, that makes it a bit different.”

“Not that you narcissistic prick, Justin.”

“Who’s he?”

“He’s the young boy on the stretcher, and now he’s your responsibility.” Debbie’s voice was stern.

“This deal only works one way; how you make it work is up to you; but,” Debbie’s face moved closer to Brian’s and she lowered it to make sure he knew she was in dead earnest, “if you fuck this up I can’t save you; no one can.”

 

“Honey are you sure you’re ready to go back to college?” 

Justin tried hard to hide the ‘fingernails down the blackboard’ response; he was having to his mother’s voice.

“I’m a big boy mother, I’ve done all my exercises, I need to get back to my art.”

“I know, sweetheart, but is your hand healed enough for that?” 

Jennifer did not want to reveal that she had seen Justin trying to draw and that she knew it was only a matter of seconds before his hand would start to shake. 

She had no wish to witness another of Justin’s displays of temper.

Justin worked to keep the desperation out of his voice as he endeavored to communicate to his mother his need to return to at least some semblance of normality; to know that not everything had been ripped from him by that fucking bat!

“I took a bat to the head mother, it did not turn me into an infant.”

 

“I don’t know how to thank you Brian. When my other model rang in sick I thought I was going to have to cancel the class,” Lindsay’s warm but anxious voice flowed over Brian like warm honey.

“Well I suppose when you were looking for someone who was used to being bare-arsed; I was the first person you thought of.”

“Well almost the first,” Lindsay smiled, thinking of a certain brunette, “but I needed a male for this particular job.”

 

Brian lounged on the pedestal, with a cloth loosely draped over him, as the class filed in through the door.

“Class, I’d like you all to meet our model, well relief model actually, Ethan one of our music students usually models for us but he is sick. Brian agreed to fill in at the last moment. I’m sure you’ll agree he is a more than fitting replacement. Be kind to him; remember he is not used to this type of work.”

Lindsay removed the cloth. Delighted, if subdued murmurings were heard from both the female and male students.

“Now in this lesson I would like you to pay particular attention to the musculature of the back and spine, focusing on the shadows and light and where the limbs meet the torso.”

As Lindsay continued her lecture Justin was busy arranging his easel, paper and drawing paraphernalia. He half listened to her words but was too concerned about his own ability and feared the worst when he approached the easel. He lifted his eyes to the model and stood stock still.

“Mr Taylor is anything the matter?” Lindsay’s voice was concerned as she looked at the pale face of the young man in front of her.

“N-no, just my hand gives me a few problems from time to time. Nothing to worry about, though”

“I can think of a good exercise for your hand,” Brian smirked at Lindsay, unable to see the person behind to easel without turning around.

“Models are not supposed to speak,” Lindsay tried to keep the laughter from her voice and moved on to another student.

Justin tried to keep his breathing under control.

‘I have to be professional. Look at him purely as an artist. He’s fucking gorgeous. I want to crawl over there and throw myself at his feet; then start licking my way all the way up to his cock. Fuck if that is its size when he’s not aroused; what is it like when he is?’

 

Justin felt like it was the millionth time he had tried to sketch. He massaged his traitorous hand and shook it out; flicking over yet another sheet of paper and starting his work once again.

By now most of the students had finished and even Brian was tiring of their admiring glances. He had already decided he didn’t think any of them were worth fucking and was becoming bored with the whole situation.

He desperately wanted to stretch his muscles. He was also intrigued by the soft voice he could occasionally hear talking so earnestly to Lindsay. If only he could turn.

 

“Mr Taylor, Mr Taylor, Justin!” Lindsay raised her voice to penetrate the desperate fog of concentration that seemed to surround Justin.

“Everyone has gone Mr Taylor and I would like to go too, can I see your work now?”

Justin moved protectively in front of his easel, quickly flipping the cover sheet down.

“It’s not finished yet. I just need a little more time.”

Lindsay couldn’t help but be moved by the pain she could hear behind those words. She looked helplessly at Brian. “I’m sorry but I really need to get home.”

Brian strode over to his friend and the unknown student.

“What the fuck is going on. My butt is freezing!” he stopped when he saw who the student was.

‘Shit, he looks even more adorable and fuckable in person than he did in the vision I was given. Fuck, how am I going to help him if all I want to do is fuck him?’

“Maybe I could help? Does this student need a bit more time to er study the subject?” All trace of irritation had vanished from Brian’s voice and despite his best efforts his voice was full of seduction and promise; sultry and irresistible. 

He couldn’t resist eying Justin from head to toe; the longer he looked the more Justin dropped his head and blushed.

“That is a great idea Bri,” Lindsay looked at the two men; obviously smitten with each other. 

“I have to go home but I’m sure Brian won’t mind locking up and it will give you a chance to do some more work on your sketching. Remember to pay particular attention to the muscles in the back and torso.”

Lindsay might as well have been speaking Swahili, Justin and Brian were lost in a world of their own.

She quietly left the keys on the desk at the front of the room and let herself out. 

Brian turned towards Justin’s easel; brushing against Justin's body intimately as he reached past to find a clean page in the pad.

He rested his head on Justin’s shoulder for a few moments inhaling Justin’s unique scent mixed with the unmistakable scent of arousal emanating from the young man.

“Well," he murmured, "where do you want me?”


	3. Heaven's Gate

Justin swallowed, desperately trying to say something.

“Over there,” he squeaked.

His bright red face looked mortified.

Brian smirked, moving back to the pedestal to resume his pose; this time facing Justin.

Justin wanted to tell him to turn around because he was supposed to be focusing on the back, but nothing on earth would have made him change the view of Brian’s striking chest, his rippling abs and of course the sight that made Justin fight to keep control of his breathing and other parts of his anatomy.

Brian was also having difficulties.

Watching Justin struggle with his reactions had the immediate effect of arousing Brian.

“Fuck, how the hell am I supposed to keep ‘relaxed?" he could already feel the blood beginning to surge?

‘Control Kinney, you’re not a fucking school boy.’

Brian struggled to think of visions that had the opposite effect to the boy, now staring at him in frank admiration, all thoughts of artistic endeavour forgotten.

‘Debbie with the cop. No that’s not enough, fuck what else can I think of? Ah, Emmet and Ted, better still Ted in a nightie lying on a bed, beckoning Emmet. Fuck now I feel sick.’

The image of Ted in a night-gown had the desired effect. Brian regained control of his body.

Justin too had managed the regain focus and picked up his pencil; holding it lightly.

Brian stared over the easel, ignoring the boy and beginning to think about the next ad campaign he was planning.

Justin stopped abruptly; his hand shaking uncontrollably.

“Shit, fuck, shit!”

“What’s wrong?”

Brian raced to Justin’s side, anxiously watching as Justin tried to relieve the cramping of his injured hand.

He gently took the hand and began to massage the palm, stroking lightly and firmly; working out the knots and pain.

Brian gazed into Justin’s eyes. Justin stared back feeling a bit like a deer caught in the headlights.

Brian carefully pulled Justin in closer, alert for any sign that his actions might be unwelcome. Justin just looked a little confused; a half-smile tentatively peeking out from under the ducked head.

Brian reached out and lifted Justin’s chin, again staring intently into Justin’s eyes.

Then he saw it; the flash of lust and joy he had been waiting for.

He reached out; gathering Justin even closer and softly ran his tongue along Justin’s lower lip. 

Justin gasped, wanting more; pulling himself even closer.

Again Brian bent his head, this time starting the kiss softly, but as he felt Justin’s body reacting becoming more and more forceful until the passion of their kiss had both of them reeling and panting for breath.

They both took a step back, although they seemed to still be joined by an unseen thread so that they physically leaned towards each other; while trying to pull apart.

Brian’s thoughts were swirling in confusion.

‘Fuck he’s hot. What the fuck am I doing? I’m supposed to be helping him not seducing him. I'm fucking responsible for him!’

Justin noticed the change immediately. He pulled away further as he saw the look of confusion on Brian’s face.

‘Fuck he’s hot. He can’t want me. He can probably have any guy he wants. Why would he want me? Daphne said 'I’m no troll!' God that kiss, I think he wants me!’

Justin’s face lit up in a beaming smile that took Brian totally off guard.

‘Fuck, he’s not just hot, he’s gorgeous!’

Brian frowned and Justin’s smile dimmed.

“Maybe it’s time to stop. Do you need a lift home?” 

Brian struggled to keep his voice normal, while thinking all he wanted to do was push Justin back against the easel and fuck him senseless.

“Yeah, that would be great!” 

Brian couldn’t resist the brilliant smile that lit Justin’s face and smiled in return while ruefully thinking,

‘This is it, I am truly and royally fucked.'

 

Both men were quiet on the way back to Justin’s place, but it was the comfortable quiet of two people who were intent on their own thoughts rather than the awkward silence of a couple who were struggling to fill the silence.

Brian pulled up outside Justin’s house.

Brian and Justin sat in the jeep, neither wanting the other to leave.

Justin started to move towards Brian at the same time Brian placed his arm around his shoulders drawing him closer.

Again their lips met, again the powerful reaction of their bodies was almost overwhelming.

This time they slowly but thoroughly explored every part of each other’s mouths, tongues almost duelling for supremacy in an intricate dance that could only result in total arousal for both men.

When air again became an issue neither wanted to break, so they simply rested their foreheads against each other; both breathing heavily and both desperately trying to bring their bodies back under control.

Justin eventually remembered where they were. He didn’t think his mother was quite ready to see him all but fucking some guy in front of their house.

He went to move away, at least that was what he meant to do; instead he found himself softly rubbing his cheek against Brian’s while Brian ran his tongue along his ear. The sensations went directly to Justin’s crotch. He glanced down to find that Brian was in exactly the same condition. He dropped his hand down and tentatively began to stroke Brian through his jeans.

Brian gasped, again fighting the urge to throw Justin down and thoroughly make love to him.

‘What! What did I just think? Maybe that fucking angel outfit did affect me. Get a grip Kinney, we don’t do love, we do fucking. He’s a twink, he needs help, he doesn’t need complications and neither do you.’

Brian reluctantly and almost tenderly pushed Justin away.

“I, er, that is maybe we could finish that picture some time. I have this loft that has great natural light; maybe you could come there. If you want to that is.”

‘Fucking great Kinney, you sound like a spotty teenager asking for a first date.’

Again Justin almost blinded Brian with the brilliance of his smile.

“I’d like that, a lot.”

Brian noticed a face peering through the curtains at the front of Justin’s house.

“I think someone might be waiting for you.”

“Yeah, I’d better go.” Justin twisted his body to get out of the car whilst still managing to keep his face as close as possible to Brian’s.

Their foreheads touched briefly for the last time and at last Justin climbed out of the jeep.

“Later.”

“Yeah, later.”


	4. Heaven's Gate

The buzzing tone finally penetrated the fog of sleep surrounding Brian, he reached out and slammed his hand down on the alarm; cursing colorfully when he realized it wasn’t the clock, it was the phone that was insisting he answer.

“Fuck,” he held his head, feeling the giant hammers start to take possession.

He rolled over and coldly surveyed the blond beside him.

“Fuck off,” he snapped.

The other man rolled out of bed, blinking at Brian, “Maybe we could do this again sometime?” 

The hopeful words seemed to hang in the air.

“I don’t do repeats,” the flat words were delivered in a voice devoid of expression.

“You’re a total shit, did you know that?” the blond stormed out, slamming the loft door behind him.

“So I’ve been told,” Brian reached for the phone, “Justin? No of course I haven’t forgotten you. I’d love you to come over to do some more . . . work. (He chuckled softly to himself at the boys attempt at a seductive voice.)  
Yeah I can meet you at the diner and then drive you from there. Huh, I can imagine your mum is not too impressed with your new boyfriend. No don’t catch the bus; I said I’ll pick you up. Later.”

 

Brian gently placed the pills onto the palm of his hand, carefully lifting the glass to his lips he threw the pills to the back of his throat and swallowed in one quick motion.

“Okay there is no way I am going to let a hangover spoil my time with Justin.”

Brian couldn’t believe how happy he was at the prospect of seeing him again.

“Okay I’m a fucking angel, but surely even angels can fall sometimes?”

He thought back over the previous night. 

He really hoped Deb wasn’t watching from ‘that place’. He half expected lightning to strike him down and cut short the whole exercise.

‘What was he thinking of? Oh yeah, gorgeous innocent blue eyes, an amazing laugh, bubble butt that was made for fucking and a sexy scent that almost made you reel with the way it enticed you to chuck caution to the winds and throw the guy down and immediately fuck his brains out.’

‘Oh yeah that. That was what made him end up at some sleazy joint, allowing losers to try to get him to pick them up; even taking some to the back room for some very unsatisfactory blowjobs.’

‘Oh fuck,’ he’d just remembered the blond he’d picked up and dumped.

‘Oh well; another weight on that side of the scale. What did one more matter?’

Brian scowled at himself in the bathroom mirror.

‘But you can’t fool yourself any more, can you Kinney? It does matter.”

 

“Justin, where are you going? You’re not going out with that Brian, are you? Don’t you think he is a bit old for you honey?”

Justin desperately tried to tune out his mother while he made the important decision of what to wear to go to meet Him.

He tossed yet another top onto the mounting pile on his bed.

He finally pulled out his favourite tee. The artist in him loved the colour. He didn’t often wear green, but the soft green of this top was so light it was almost blue and Daphne had told him it really brought out the colour of his eyes.

“Justin, are you up there?”

Daphne’s voice floated through the doorway.

Justin bounded down the steps, his satchel bouncing on his back, hugging his best friend and whirling her round.

“Wow, what brought on this good mood? I like it.”

“You are just in time to drive me to the Diner.”

“Aren’t I lucky?” Daphne smiled into the beaming face of Justin.

“Bye mum, not sure what time I’ll be home.”

Justin grabbed Daphne’s hand and raced her out the door and to the car.

“So, spill it, who is he?”

“Who is who?” Justin loved teasing her, but he couldn’t keep his good news to himself any longer.

“His name is Brian. He is gorgeous. His hair is brown but its got these fabulous natural copper highlights, its got this incredible ‘I’ve just been fucked look’ that is soo unbelievably sexy. He has amazing hazel eyes and when he gets turned on, they get these beautiful golden flecks that just make you want to fall into them. God Daph, his body, I can’t begin to describe his body. It is absolutely perfect, not too many muscles, but the ones that are there are perfectly defined, they make you want to run your fingers down them to . . .”

Justin stared off into space, remembering certain other parts of Brian’s anatomy.

Daphne took one hand off the steering wheel and thumped Justin on the shoulder.

“Stop fucking him in your imagination” her exasperated voice broke through Justin’s reverie.

“Sorry Daph, but he is just unbelievable, an angel,” he chuckled softly to himself, “but I think this angel might wear a black leather jacket.”

“So when do I get to meet this paragon?”

“You can see him at the diner, I’m meeting him there. He’s invited me to come to his place and finish my drawing.”

Daphne glanced over at his best friend.

She suddenly felt as if a cloud had passed over the sun.

Justin’s eyes fell and started to fill with tears.

“Oh God Daph, I don’t think I can draw any more!” 

Justin grabbed at his offending hand, looking like he wanted to cut it off and throw it out the window.

“Jus, you have to give it time.”

Justin almost winced at the sympathetic tone.

“What will I do if I can’t have my Art. I’ve got nothing, nothing.”

“You need major Mocha therapy. Plus a good dose of hot guy”

Daphne expertly parked the little coupe close to the kerb, just outside the diner.

Justin just sat in the front seat, staring into space, trying to confront his fears without going crazy.

Brian was just about to saunter into the diner when he heard Daphne’s car pull up.

He glanced over his shoulder and didn’t even try to stop the silly smile creeping over his face at the sight of Justin.

“Hmm, brown hair, hazel eyes and body to die for; you’d have to be Brian right?” Daphne grinned up at the surprised man in front of her.

She looked anxiously back at Justin who hadn’t moved from her car.

“Justin told me all about you.”

“Shame he didn’t tell me about you,” Brian couldn’t help but smile back at her infectious, good nature, “You’re hot.”

“Yeah, so are you, why are all the best guys gay? I think you’d better check on your boyfriend though.”

Brian frowned at the car, wondering why Justin hadn’t jumped out when he saw him. Then he realized that Justin didn’t know he was there.

He looked at Daphne the concern almost causing his voice to break.

“What’s wrong? Is he ok?”

“I think he’s all right. He gets like this sometimes; especially when his hand is causing him problems with his drawing.”

Daphne smiled ruefully at Brian. She couldn’t help but share her best friend’s pain, but had no idea how she could help. Instinct told her that the gorgeous hunk in front of her would somehow provide the cure.

Brian walked around to the side of the car. He opened the door.

“Justin,” he murmured softly, almost nuzzling the boy’s ear.

He cupped his hands under his chin and gently turned Justin’s head so it rested on his black leather jacket.

“Brian?” Justin’s voice sounded distant and hesitant.

“Yeah, are you ready to come to the loft with me?”

Justin seemed to shake himself with the effort of coming back to reality.

“I’ll always be ready to come with you.” Justin’s blue eyes smiled into Brian’s hazel ones.

Daphne hugged herself and gave a wide grin.

‘I wonder who is rescuing who?’ she thought as she watched the two men with arms entwined, looking as if they were glued together at the hip, stroll off to get into Brian’s jeep.


	5. Heaven's Gate

Justin gazed in awe at Brian’s loft, almost forcing his head to turn 360 degrees; his eyes trying to take in everything at once.

Brian also looked around his loft with renewed eyes, seeing it almost as Justin was doing.

Almost but not quite, each item of furniture he looked at suddenly seemed to have Justin draped over it in various provocative poses.

Brian shook his head trying to change the visions and succeeding, almost.

Almost but not quite; this time it was Justin and Brian fucking on the Italian sofa, in the shower, over the breakfast bar, on the door, up against a pillar. . .

Brian groaned, Justin looked at him curiously.

“Is anything wrong?”

Brian gazed into the innocent blue eyes, ‘How the fuck am I ever going to get through this, they might as well hand me my trident and tail right now and quit wasting everyone’s time?’

“No everything is fine,” Brian nearly managed to keep his voice even, “the easel is already set up over there. Do you still want me?”

Justin sidled up to Brian, leaned close and whispered softly in his ear, “I’ll always want you.”

Brain almost knocked Justin over in his haste to put some distance between Justin and himself.

“To pose, do you want me to pose for you?” Brian almost stammered the words out.

This time it was Justin’s turn to smirk, as he witnessed the effect his little try at seduction had on Brian.

“Oh yeah, would you mind being nude again?”

‘Oh shit, give me a minute first!’

“No, no, I’ll just go into the bathroom and get ready while you set up your equipment at the easel.”

Brian made an almost dignified dash for the bathroom.

The minute he shut the door, Brian started to strip off, looking down ruefully he muttered, ‘Sorry pal, no way; I can already feel those flames licking at you. “Fuck, why did I have to say lick?”

Brian envisioned Justin’s full pink lips as they glided over his long, thick cock and groaned.

“Are you all right in there, I’m nearly ready?” Justin’s voice seemed to echo through the loft.

Brian struggled to keep his voice calm and even, as he quickly jerked himself off in the bathroom, “Yeah I’m fine, be there in a minute.”

Justin gazed at Brian as he sauntered out of the bathroom, seemingly lit by an inner glow, ‘Fuck, I forgot how stunning he is without clothes.’

Both men avoided looking at each other.

“I put one of the stools from the breakfast bar over there,” Justin waved his hand in the direction of the stool, “could you maybe sit with your back to me so I can complete the project.”

‘That should make it easier.’

“Like this?” Brian called over his shoulder.

Justin moved over to place his model in just the right pose.

He lifted Brian’s hand and placed in on his knee, grazing Brian’s relaxed cock at the same time.

Both men gasped at the same time.

Both men got caught up in each other’s eyes.

Both men leaned in toward each other.

The kiss they shared was passionate enough to make angels sing.

Brian gently pulled back, breathing heavily.

Justin felt bereft, but Brian smiled softly, reassuring him.

“Don’t you have work to do?”

Justin lit up the entire loft with his answering smile, “Yeah, later.”

 

Brian turned his back resolutely to Justin and gazed at the painting on the wall behind him. The old man in the painting seemed to be vaguely amused at his predicament.

 

Justin took a deep breath at the easel, picked up the pencil and started to sketch in the lines. As the picture of Brian's exquisite musculature began to form, he became engrossed in the mechanics of getting the beautiful flowing lines of Brian’s body onto the paper.

He could feel the tremors in his hand trying to force their way to the surface even before the shaking began.

He desperately tried to ignore the progressive weakness of his hold, grabbing his weak right hand with his left in an effort to steady it.

“Fuck, shit, fuck!” Justin threw the pencil across the room and dropped to the floor, holding his head in his hands and sobbing.

Brian flew across the room, encircling the distraught boy with his arms.

“Justin, Justin, it’s ok, it’s gonna be ok. Come on love, nothing can be as bad as this, let me help you.”

Brian continued to hold Justin whispering reassurances and endearments until the sobs subsided.

Justin lifted his face towards Brian; he flung Brian away with a massive shove to his chest.

“You don’t know fuck!” he screamed, “Without art there’s nothing! I’m nothing, a fucking baseball bat to my head made sure of that!”

He raced out the loft door slamming it behind him.

Brian sat on his behind, in exactly the same place he had landed when Justin pushed him away. He stayed there totally stunned at Justin’s reaction, wondering what had happened.

After a few minutes he pushed himself up off the floor, rubbed his sore arse, walked stiffly over to the breakfast bar and picked up the phone.

“Hello Linds, I think we need your help.”


	6. Heaven's Gate

“Hello, is this Brian Kinney, hot guy and part-time nude model?” laughter laced through Daphne’s voice.

“Yeah, who the fuck wants to know and how did you get this number?” Brian was in no mood to play games; he’d just spent the last three hours combing the streets looking for Justin and was worried out of his mind, let alone his patience.

“Sorry, it’s Daphne, Justin’s friend. I rang Debbie at the Diner on the off-chance she knew you. Told her, ‘your name was Brian you were hot, gay, tall, brunet, hazel eyes, oh yeah and that you thought you were God’s gift!’ She knew who it was straight away.”

“I don’t think; I know,” Brian’s smirk was even detectable on the phone.

“Anyway I’m ringing about Justin, what happened?”

“I thought you might know. He was drawing; his hand started to shake, he threw the pencil and just seemed to totally lose it. He ran off, I just got back from looking for him. What do you think happened?”

“I don’t know, he came running in the door as if the hounds of Hell were after him. He seemed exhausted; he didn’t say a word. He just ran into my bedroom, crawled into bed and pulled the covers over his head. He cried himself to sleep. He wouldn’t even let me hold him; if I tried he’d just start shivering and shaking his head. I’ve never seen him this bad since the bashing.”

“Fuck, what do we do now?”

“I think we need to let him sleep and I think you need to be here when he wakes up.”

“Ok, give me your address and I‘ll be right over.”

Brian was already picking up his car keys as he was speaking.

 

“Hey there sleepy.” Brian whispered softly; afraid of alarming Justin.

He couldn’t stop thinking how cute Justin looked, still groggy from sleep with a loose lock of blonde hair flopping over his eyes.

Justin blinked, his eyes growing wider as he tried to focus on Brian’s face.

“Brian? What are you doing here?” the incredulous tone in Justin’s voice produced a knowing smirk from Brian.

“Your trusty ‘fag hag’ rang and told me you needed a guardian angel . . . or a hot guy. I happened to be available,” Brian smiled down at Justin.

“I think I freaked out a bit. I can’t remember. I remember being at your loft. It is fucking great Brian; the lighting is brilliant. I remember you coming out of the bathroom. That’s it I can’t remember anything after that.” Justin gazed into Brian’s eyes with a mixture of confusion and trust.

Brian leaned over and stroked Justin’s cheek, kissing him gently on top of his head.

“Well how ‘bout we go back there and we’ll try to work it out.”

“I don’t think I’m ready to go back to drawing, maybe mum was right, maybe I’ll never be ready,” Justin’s voice sounded thin and hollow and Brian felt his heart go out to the woebegone boy.

He placed his cheek next to Justin’s and blew lightly into the boy’s ear; grinning to himself when the slight bump in the covers showed the immediate effect this had on Justin.

“Who said anything about drawing?” he drawled, I’m sure we can think of something else to do if we really tried hard.

He began to kiss Justin moving languorously down from his ear following the jaw line till he reached his lips. He ran his tongue slowly along under Justin’s top lip, finally drawing it gently into his mouth and sucking on it.

Justin almost levitated out of the bed. Coherent thought seemed to vanish from his brain.

 

“Hey Justin! Whoa sorry, thought for a minute this was my bedroom,” Daphne’s cheeky smile reassured Justin that she was really ok with his actions.

“Looks like Daphne wants her room back; unless of course she wants to join us?” Brian lifted and eyebrow in challenge.

“Hmm, tempting as that sounds and hot as you two are, fucking my best friend and his boyfriend was not on my to do list today. I might be able to pencil you in sometime next week though, maybe between study and washing my hair.” Daphne could not help the infectious,impish grin crossing her face.

 

 

Brian noticed Justin’s hesitant almost reluctant entry into the loft; he almost looked like the slightest noise or movement would start him running again.  
‘Fuck Heaven and fuck Hell, this boy is in need of some major pain therapy and I’m the only guy here who can administer it.’

Brian gently took his arm from around Justin’s shoulders.

He strode boldly into his loft, glancing back over his shoulder to see how Justin was reacting.

Justin no longer looked frightened, just confused and a little intrigued.

Brian turned and stripped off his shirt, opening his arms to Justin.

“Well do you still like what you see?” he smirked at Justin, but half held his breath, praying he was doing the right thing. No one had ever resisted his charms before.

Justin looked like a moth attracted to a flame. He seemed to have no control of his own movements as he walked over to Brian, almost as if he was sleepwalking.

Justin lay his head on Brian’s chest.

Brian breathed a sigh of relief and enfolded the younger man in his arms.

“You smell amazing,” Justin murmured with his cheek still pressed on Brian’s chest.

“A friend of mine used to call it my ‘sex on a stick’ smell.” 

“I think yours may be even sexier,” Brian’s voice was becoming husky as he tried to keep the urge to throw Justin down on the floor and fuck him there and then, in check.

He placed his finger under Justin’s chin and slowly lifted it up so he could gain access to Justin’s lips once more.

Justin eagerly lifted his face as he remembered the previous kisses they’d shared.

This time the passion flared immediately their lips met.

They pressed against each other as if they were trying to crawl inside one another.

Brian’s hands stroked and investigated every part of Justin’s body; returning again and again to stroke and squeeze his beautiful bubble butt.

He lifted the boy off the floor, still kissing him; he half-carried, half-walked him into the bedroom.

He placed him gently on the bed, gazing down at him with wonder in his eyes.

Justin looked back with total trust and the first glimmerings of love.

Brian stripped off his jeans, socks and shoes in almost one fluid motion.

‘I knew it; totally and royally fucked’

Brian couldn’t believe the torrent of feelings that were pouring through him.

Sure lust and passion were at the top of the list but there was also tenderness and something else that he refused to even contemplate.

Justin reached out his hand for Brian, reluctant to seem eager but desperate for more touching.

Brian responded immediately.

Striving not to alarm Justin he lay down beside him, slowly unbuttoning his shirt, placing soft kisses on each part of his body as it was revealed. He stopped after the last button and drew back a little, gazing at Justin, “Beautiful,” he breathed.

Justin reached up and pulled him back for another earth shattering kiss, threading his fingers through Brian’s soft hair, pulling him in even closer.

He could feel Brian’s hard cock was rubbing against his own.

He reached down between their bodies lightly rubbing his fingers over the leaking slit at the top and using the juice to help his hands slide slickly over the incredibly hard cock, marveling at the feel and length of it.

Brian almost tore Justin’s shirt from his body. 

He launched himself at Justin’s crotch and unzipped the tight jeans.

He looked at Justin, making sure that he was ok then slid off the bed sliding Justin’s jeans off and immediately taking Justin’s prick in his very willing mouth.

Justin moaned.

‘This must be what Heaven feels like!’

Then all thoughts fled as Brian sucked him deeper into his throat, pumping him with his fist as he placed his fingers at Justin’s lips.

Justin sucked on the fingers as if possessed.

Again Brian drew back, “Are you sure?”

“God yes!” the passion in Justin’s voice left Brian in no doubt.

He slid one finger into Justin’s willing hole, running his tongue along the vein in Justin’s hard cock.

“Oh my God, Brian, I’m going to cum!”

“Come for me Justin. Let me taste you.”

“I want you inside me,” Justin was almost pleading.

Brian slowly put two more fingers in Justin’s tight hole, flexing and pumping them in and out.

Justin was writhing in ecstasy, he knew he wouldn’t be able to hold back much longer and Brian felt exactly the same way.

Brian expertly rolled a condom onto his leaking cock.

He placed his rigid member at Justin’s puckered hole and slowly entered, stopping just after breaching the ring of muscles, giving Justin time to adjust to his size.

Justin’s mouth dropped open, “Fuck, you’re fucking huge!”

“Too big?”

“Fuck no!”

Justin began to push back against Brian.

That was all the encouragement Brian needed he thrust himself completely into Justin, sheathing himself in Justin’s tight arse.

“Fuck this feels too good.”

“Brian!” Justin wailed as the most incredible sensations flowed through his entire body.

Brian changed the angle, lifting Justin’s hips to penetrate deeper; hitting Justin’s prostate with every thrust.

Brian reached between their straining bodies; he curled his fist around Justin’s cock and pumped in time with their thrusts.

Brian and Justin arched into each other simultaneously. For a minute they seemed frozen in time; then as if they were both pulled into maelstrom of feelings and sensations they shook as their orgasm dragged them over the edge into the center of the universe.

“Fuck that was amazing!” 

Justin curled up against Brian, feeling pleasantly insensate as his breathing began to return to normal.

Brian felt like he’d been struck by lightning. 

He automatically put his arm around Justin and molded himself against his body.

‘Debbie is gonna have my balls on a platter!’


	7. Heaven's Gate

“Rise and shine Sunshine! Time to go to school.”

Brian was nuzzling Justin’s neck, kissing the base and licking up to his lips.

“Well I can see something that is up. We’ll just have to take care of that now won’t we?”

Brian slowly pulled the duvet down Justin’s body, taking time to appreciate the slender beauty.

‘Fuck he almost looks like he’d break in a strong wind.’

‘Humph, if he didn’t break last night he never will.’

Brian’s mind flashed back to the many and varied position Justin and he had ended up in the previous night.

Justin murmured and reached out to the warm place Brian had been in a few moments earlier.

Brian uncovered Justin’s cock and took it into the warm cavern of his mouth.

Justin’s eyes flew open, and then closed again as he thrust up into the more than willing mouth.

Brian grinned wickedly around the young man’s cock. He loved this feeling, knowing that any minute he was going to be responsible for Justin’s glimpse of heaven.

Justin flailed on the bed, unable to make coherent sounds or thoughts as he tipped over the edge, arching up into Brian’s demanding mouth.

Brian swallowed the fluid with every appearance of delight.

“Wow! What a way to wake up!”

Justin’s grin lit up Brian’s morning.

Brian climbed off the bed and sauntered toward the bathroom, looking back at Justin with a ‘come hither’ look.

Justin moaned with a wry smile and followed Brian into the bathroom.

The shower was already steaming up when Justin stepped in after Brian.

Brian kept his back to Justin as he turned his face into the spray.

Justin reached past him and grabbed the soap and started to wash Brian’s back, marveling anew at the well-defined muscles.

Brian felt the minute Justin started to tense up; as thoughts of Brian’s body seemed to automatically lead to thoughts about sketching.

He turned around and encircled Justin in his arms.

He slowly ran his fingers along Justin’s shoulders massaging his way down his back, stroking and smoothing away the tension.

Justin started to relax into Brian and dropped the soap onto the shower floor.

He wrapped his arms around Brian’s waist and smiled up into his face.

“I think I owe you something; a special morning wake up with full service!”

Brian grinned back at the top of Justin’s head as he kissed his way down Brian’s body and teasingly licked at the tip of the leaking cock waving in front of his face.

He grasped him firmly in his fist alternately licking and occasionally swirling his tongue around the head.

“Justin you’re killing me!”

This time it was Justin who gave a triumphant smile, refusing to quicken the pace despite Brian’s desperate thrusting and incoherent urging.

At last he decided to take pity on the older man and engulfed his rigid cock in one swift gulp, sucking and pumping forcing Brian into the fast paced rhythm.

Brian came in a torrent and Justin gleefully swallowed every drop.

Brian struggled to regain his breath and pulled Justin to his feet, capturing his lips in a soul-searing kiss.

Brian reluctantly and gently moved Justin away from his body.

“I have to go to work and you have to go to college. Daphne rang your mum and told her you were staying overnight with her.”

“I don’t think, that is maybe, I don’t feel . . . ready. I can’t, that is I’m . . .” Justin seemed to run out of voice and will.

“Maybe that’s what you have to find out.” Brian’s voice was firm but reassuring.

“We’ll go to the diner for some breakfast and I’ll drop you off at PIFA on the way to my work.”

Justin took one look at the obvious resolve on Brian’s face as he resolutely reached over and turned off the shower.

He grabbed the towels from the rail; wrapping Justin tenderly and securely; then slapping his arse and gently pushing him in the direction of his clothes, still scattered where they were dropped the previous night in their hurry.

“I still think we should have stayed in the shower, only for a century or two; nothing too drastic.”

Justin pouted at Brian.

Brian smirked in return.

 

Debbie screeched as Brian and Justin walked into the Diner. 

“Brian, where have you been, for a minute there I thought you were dead?”

A largish woman in a striking red wig engulfed Brian in a hug; which resembled a tidal wave consuming all it encountered.

“And who is this cute twink?”

Justin grinned uncertainly.

“Turn around sunshine.” Debbie imperiously twirled her fingers over Justin’s head.

Brian quirked his eyebrow at Justin ‘s confusion, silently indicating he should follow instructions if he knew what was good for him.

Justin turned his back to Deb, glancing over his shoulder.

“Just what I thought a perfect bubble butt.”

Debbie pulled him into her arms, giving him the same treatment she’d just meted out to Brian a few minutes ago.

“What’s a cute boy like you doing with an arsehole like him?”

Justin looked alarmed then saw the grin on Debbie’s face indicating that she was just joking.

“I don’t know he just seemed to follow me home, now I can’t get rid of him.”

Debbie laughed.

“This one will keep you on your toes. I like this one, I think he’s a keeper.”

Debbie looked straight into Brian’s eyes.

‘Oh shit, she knows already.’

“You’re coming to dinner next Sunday night and no bullshit. You too,” Debbie pointed to Justin.

“Now boys, what’ll you have?”

Debbie pulled the pencil from behind her ear and grabbed her notebook.

 

Brain kept running his foot up and down Justin’s leg, occasionally resting at his crotch as Justin attempted to eat.

“Where do you put it all?”

Brian watched in amazement as cereal; closely followed by bacon, eggs, tomatoes, toast, waffles and hash browns all disappeared into Justin’s slim frame.

“If I ate all that I would never be able to leave the stair-master.”

“My mum says I have a fast metabolism.”

Justin smiled and grabbed Brian’s socked foot from his crotch, stroking and squeezing each toe.

Brian began to breathe a little faster.

“Brat,” he muttered, reluctantly claiming his foot back and returning it to the shoe.

Justin moved around the bench seat closer to Brian.

“Why Mr Kinney, you seem to be heating up, is it just my imagination or is it getting hotter in here?”

The last was delivered into Brian’s ear in soft tones that went straight to Brian’s cock.

He shifted in his seat, wishing he’d worn pants that were a bit looser.

He reached over and snaked his arm around Justin’s neck drawing him in for a kiss that started off as a quick peck and ended as an erotic exploration of Justin’s mouth that left them both breathless.

“Are you two gonna fuck on the floor?”

Debbie’s voice cut through the sexual tension and both the men sprang apart.

“Not this time Deb, just this once we’ll postpone the floor show; can’t give the most famous ‘fag hag’ on Liberty a heart attack at this hour of the morning can we?”

Debbie slapped Brian upside his head, “Arsehole!” she said lovingly.

“You look after that cutie, there’s something about him that screams ‘help me!’ He’s not just one of your usual tricks. He’s special. Have you fucked him yet?  
Well he’s still here so I’m guessing the answer is ‘no’. Like I said, take care he’s fragile and if you hurt him you won’t just have to answer to me but to a higher power.”

This time Debbie looked sternly at Brian.

Brian stared back, lifting his eyebrow in reply.

Debbie’s voice somehow seemed to echo the form that spoke to him by the pearly gates and he wasn’t about to admit anything to her.

He looked at Justin, who looked back with his face upturned trustingly.

‘Truly and royally fucked, for eternity.’


	8. Heaven's Gate

Brian pulled up outside the college with Justin glued to his side.

He wound his arm around Justin’s shoulders, drawing him even closer and subjecting him to a soul-searing kiss.

Brian then gently but firmly pushed him in the direction of the door.

“Later.” he said softly, trying to imbue the boy with strength and confidence from his loving looks.

“Later,” Justin tried but failed to keep the tremors from his voice and Brian had to fight to keep from grabbing him back into the jeep and running away with him.

 

“Brian, you have a new client waiting for you in your office.” 

Cynthia’s voice penetrated his thoughts of Justin.

He adjusted his tie as he mentally shook himself and prepared to charm and hook yet another satisfied and impressed client.

Brian strode into the room immediately assessing the fairly unprepossessing man in the relatively ill-fitting suit and his equally nondescript female companion.

“Hmm, not someone I would even give a second glance at Babylon,” he mused to himself as he stretched out his hand to give the firm, masterful handshake that he instinctively knew immediately put potential clients on the back foot.

“Hello Mr Kinney, my name is Gabrielle; I’ve heard some good things about you,” the client’s voice was barely audible.

“All true I’m sure,” Brian fought hard to keep the self-satisfied smirk off his face, thinking ‘I’ve already got this guy.’

“I don’t know if you’ve heard of our company, we are really quite small but we have very powerful connections.”

“We care about all our clients big and small, and I’m sure you’ll find our individual service everything you need and more,” Brian’s voice was so smooth you could have slid on it.

“Excellent, our company ‘Heavenly Intentions’ have very particular requirements from you and your firm.”

Brian’s practiced routine patter came to a screeching halt.

He looked silently and intently at the two people. 

He could almost swear that there was the slightest hint of feathers rustling.

 

Justin was desperately trying to stop swearing as he felt the tell-tale tremors start in his hand whilst he tried to complete the Still Life Lindsay had asked the class to sketch.

He shook his right hand and massaged if with his left hand excruciatingly aware of Lindsay looking over his shoulder.

‘If she says anything I’m going to lose it.’

“That’s all for today class, your assignment is to finish this picture for the still life component of the course. In my assessment I will be paying particular attention to composition, shading and in particular your depiction of light and dark. Justin I’d like you to remain behind for a little.”

Lindsay’s tone was soft but Justin was in no doubt that she expected to be obeyed.

“I noticed you were having some problems with your hand.”

Justin waited with a heavy heart, for her to say she thought he should not continue with the course, that his hand was too weak and that he was wasting his time and even worse his teacher’s time. He was so busy thinking these thoughts that he missed her asking him to accompany her to a new art exhibition that had just opened at a gallery nearby.

“Sorry, what, pardon?”

“I said, I’d like your opinion on some works of art at a new exhibition. Are you interested?”

‘No, I never want to see art again, least of all when I feel like shit because I don’t think I’ll ever be able to draw again’

Justin didn’t want to seem churlish, so he gave Lindsay a smile that was almost brilliant and said, “Of course, I’d love to.”

 

‘Oh Fuck!’ Brian felt like he could feel the flames licking at his balls already, and stood frozen waiting for the floor to open up beneath him.  
He was sure that fucking the protégé was somehow against the rules.

‘It was worth it,’ he couldn’t believe that with the chance of losing it all, the thing that he regretted most of all was that he would never see Justin again.

“Mr Kinney, Mr Kinney! Are you all right sir?” 

Brian snapped himself back to reality.

“Yes, fine. What is it that you think my company can do for you?” 

Brian was proud of the way he kept his voice steady.

“Perhaps you might be more interested in what our company can do for you?”  
Serene’s quiet voice startled both the men, who’d almost forgotten she was in the room.

“We have been very interested in your, er, operations?”

Her gentle tone had a strong touch of steel beneath.

“What operations would those be?”

Brian’s voice may have been steady but he couldn’t stop the sweat from running down his brow.

“I think they may be delicately referred to as ‘extra-curricular’.”

Again there was a strong sense of iron fist in velvet glove.

“If you’re talking about me fucking Justin and fucking myself at the same time; just fucking say so.”

Brian was now beyond scared and well into angry.

The two angels exchanged looks.


	9. Heaven's Gate

Serene and Gabrielle exchanged knowing glances and burst out laughing.

Brian didn’t know whether to feel pissed off or relieved.

“Well, if we didn’t know you were a ‘queen’ before, we certainly do now.” Serene’s smooth voice broke the tension.

“I thought you were here to ‘pass judgement’.” Brian said a little sheepishly.

“Oh, but we are!” 

“Huh?” the panicky feelings started to return full force.

“Just not yet.”

“Oh. . . fuck!”

“The boss sent us with a message, she is sure you will understand.”

“You can fuck him physically, just not emotionally, remember your mission.”

 

Justin’s eyes traveled over the paintings, he was not particularly impressed, having already decided that they were a bit too derivative for his taste, although there was one particular painting that had caught his eye.

“Well,” Lindsay’s voice penetrated his concentration, “What do you think?”

“I don’t really care for most of them,” Justin waved his hand vaguely in the direction of the other paintings, “a bit too conventional in composition, and colour for my tastes. You can’t really comprehend what the painter is feeling or wants you to feel. They look like they were made to hang on a lounge room wall or worse still a motel room wall. Except this, this one seems to have passion. It looks like the artist was pissed off about something.”

“Yeah, I was in a mood that day!”

Justin jumped, as Lindsay laughed into the face of the smiling artist in her motorized wheelchair.

“Justin was just telling us his opinion of your work.”

“Yes?”

“They aren’t really his cup of tea, but he is attracted to that one.” 

Lindsay delicately pointed to the painting that had attracted Justin’s interest.

“OK, you like it, it’s yours.”

“No, what, really? Thanks.”

“Don’t thank me, there’s plenty more where they came from.”

Justin stared at the wheelchair and the obviously maimed hands of the artist.

“How do you, I mean how can you?”

“Like two snails fucking, very slowly. But if I couldn’t, then I’d cheerfully shoot myself. Nothing can ever stop me painting, certainly not a minor mishap on black ice on the M1.”

“Minor!? You were in ICU for a month, then all the moaning and whining during rehab.” Lindsay grinned at her friend.

“Ah shut up bitch, I’ll run over your foot. So what’s your story?”

“I got bashed in the head, I had brain damage. They told me I’d never draw again. When I try to draw now my hand just seizes up and . . .”

Justin’s voice trailed off and both women could see the pain and terror in his eyes.

“Well, all I can tell you kid is, it ain’t the end of the world. Even though it seems like it. If you want something badly enough you can always get it. Now which painting do you want?”

 

Brian looked around his loft; suddenly it seemed cold and empty.

‘No way, I’m a queer, I don’t do love. I do fucking. I sure as Hell, can’t fall in love with him.’

‘Not gonna ring him. No way!’

Brian gazed vacantly around the loft, till his eyes fell on his computer. He remembered a program one of the artists at his ad agency had shown him. He remembered how he felt the joy of creation artists must feel or even he felt when he had completed a really good campaign.

‘Well I am supposed to help him. I could find out if Lindsay and my plan worked. Maybe I could ring Daphne?’

‘Fuck Kinney, you are such a coward. Just ring him already! No, I don’t fucking chase. I don’t do returns! So why do I want to see him so bad?’

‘Maybe I’ll just go to fucking Babylon and pick up some twink?’

 

“Hello, Justin? Yeah it’s me. Do you want to come over, I think I’ve got something that might interest you.”


	10. Heaven's Gate

Brian couldn’t believe he was pacing.

He was Brian fucking Kinney for Christ’s sake.

He knew exactly what he wanted and how to get it.

He didn’t believe in love and romance, he believed in fucking; it was efficient, pleasurable and relatively painless.

At least it was, until he’d died, until he saw the bloodied body of some guy he never even knew, until he was given the ‘second chance’.

‘Why me? Why haven’t I thought to ask that question before?’

‘Fuck, the way he looks at me, as if he really believes I can save him.’

‘Doesn’t he know I couldn’t even fucking save myself!’

‘I died being sucked off by some guy I never even knew the name of.’

Unbidden the vision of Justin sucking his cock, forced its way into his thoughts.

‘Shit he’s fucking amazing,’ Brian marveled at the way the boy had fought back, not given up even when it seemed his dreams had been snatched away from him. He remembered the look of despair and anger on Justin’s face that night in the loft when he’d thrown the pencil away and run out into the night. 

He remembered the pain and panic he’d felt when he went looking for him.

 

The insistent knock on the door made Brian jump.

‘Pull yourself together Kinney!’

“Brian.”

Justin’s soft tentative voice melted all Brian’s reservations in an instant. 

He was overwhelmed by the need to rush forward and gather the young man in his arms and never let him go.

“I wondered if you’d call?” Justin still sounded unsure but his eyes gave away the attraction he felt sure was returned.

Still Brian didn’t feel capable of responding, unable to shake the feelings that coursed through his body and brain.

Justin took a step in through the door.

“What is it you wanted to show me?”

Despite his best intentions Justin could not stop his voice becoming husky with seduction.

‘Yes my throbbing cock!’

Again the thought came unbidden to Brian.

‘Get a fucking grip Kinney, you are never going to help the boy if all you can do is fuck him into the mattress and make love to him till he begs for more.’

“Oh Shit! Truly and Royally fucked!”

Brian unwittingly let the words slip out.

“Pardon? Did you say something?”

Now Justin looked confused.

“Nothing, I was mucking around with a new programme for my computer and thought maybe it might help your problem with your hand.”

“What problem with my hand?”

Justin moved in closer to Brian and cupped his very obvious erection through his jeans.

He rubbed Brian lasciviously through the denim, smiling up mischievously into Brian’s eyes.

“Does this feel like there’s anything wrong with my hand?”

Brian moaned, ‘Stop it Kinney, you know exactly what he is doing. You are the master of the distraction technique yourself. Don’t let him get away with this shit!’

Unfortunately as often happened with Brian his brain was telling him one thing and his cock was busy taking absolutely no notice.

Brian snaked his hand around behind Justin’s head and pulled him into a toe-curling kiss. 

The two men could not seem to get enough of each other as they kissed, stumbled, stripped off their clothing and eventually fell entangled and naked onto the bed.

Instantly, their haste evaporated as they began to slowly explore each other’s most sensitive areas.

Justin actually mewled as Brian licked his ear and then blew gently onto that place sending electric sensations directly to Justin’s cock.

Justin rubbed himself against Brian’s body, lowering himself onto the well-defined muscles of Brian’s stomach.

With excruciating slowness he nibbled and sucked on every part, smiling to himself as he felt Brian jump as he discovered yet another erogenous zone that Brian responded to.

“Justin!”

Justin thrilled to the frantic tone in Brian’s voice, and the almost undertone of could it be love? Or was it just the passion of the moment?

Justin wasn’t sure he cared, he just wanted desperately to be inside this fucking fantastic body, no even more he desperately wanted to make love to this man, he wanted to pour all the emotions he was feeling into all the physical actions. He wanted to tell this man with his physical moves exactly what he was thinking and feeling. He seemed to instinctively know that his actions would speak infinitely louder than words ever could.

Brian sensed the exact moment when Justin changed.

The strokes, sucks, nibbles and kisses became more tender, softer, but no less demanding of a response.

“Fuck Justin!”

The cry was midway between a scream and a moan.

Justin pulled back, gazing intently into his lovers eyes.

He wordlessly asked Brian for permission.

He caught the confusion and unspoken consent reflected in Brian’s eyes.

Brian’s brain was screaming at him to stop, Brian’s body was demanding he continue.

“I don’t,” he muttered.

“It’s ok, I know.” Justin whispered lovingly into his ear.

Brian had never felt so vulnerable and open.

As Justin reached for the condoms and lube beside the bed, Brian continued to stare at him as if seeking the answers to all his questions in Justin’s eyes.

Once more Justin started to suck and kiss Brian’s stomach muscles, this time not stopping.

Brian’s moans became louder as Justin suddenly deep-throated him, closing his lips over the base of Brian’s cock and slowly pulling back, licking, then swirling the head of his prick around his mouth.

Brian felt like he was drowning in the torrent of sensations that were washing over him.

He’d had countless blowjobs in the past but none even vaguely came close to matching this one.

Justin left the rigid member and continued his voyage of discovery of the nether regions of Brian’s body.

He relished the heavy feel of Brian’s balls as he gently sucked them into his mouth, using his fingers to stroke and introduce extra sensations as he lifted Brian’s legs and licked down to his eager, twitching hole.

“Where the fuck did you learn that?” Brian groaned.

Pausing only for a moment, Justin smirked, “I had a great teacher.”

Brian felt a flash of jealousy, “Who?” 

He lifted his head to regard his lover.

“You, cockhead!”

Justin resumed tonguing Brian’s hole and Brian let his head flop helplessly back onto the bed.

Justin put more lube onto his fingers, he already knew how tight Brian was and was intent on making this the most pleasurable experience he could.

Brian gasped as first one then two fingers were introduced, he told himself to relax, then smirked as he thought of how many times he’d used those exact same words on his many tricks.

Justin began to thrust and flex his fingers the minute he felt Brian relax and push back against them.

He was nearly coming already with anticipation.

At last he judged Brian was ready, he placed his own very hard cock at the small entrance and gently but firmly pushed his way in past the strong ring of muscles protecting Brian’s hole.

He held Brian’s hips strongly, at the same time stroking his cock and stomach urging him to relax and allow him in.

Brian couldn’t believe the conflicting feelings he was experiencing.

He wanted Justin inside and at the same time felt almost panicky at his size.

“Fuck, you’re big,” he panted, struggling to gain some kind of control.

“Not as big as you,” Justin smiled back, noting that Brian had begun to relax and had started to push back, biting back a moan as his body responded.

Justin slowly edged in as Brian pushed against him.

The erotic dance between the two gained in pace and intensity until neither could hold off any more.

Justin reached between their sweating bodies and grasped Brian’s member, pumping it in time with their thrusts and changing the angle of his own driving cock so that each thrust hit Brian’s prostate; producing moans that reflected his own silent outpourings of emotion.

Brian’s orgasm shook him to the core and his convulsing body pulled Justin over the edge with him.

Once he had recovered his breath Justin went to move off Brian.

“No, stay,” Brian murmured, holding Justin to him tightly.

“Are you sure I’m not squashing you?”

“Totally fucking sure!”

“’Kay.” Justin’s sleepy voice was barely audible.

“Yup, truly and royally fucked, but maybe that is not such a bad thing?!” Brian murmured to himself as he too was finally claimed by sleep.


	11. Heaven's Gate

Brian was the first of the pair to wake up.

He looked across at Justin and felt the now almost familiar clench in his heart.

‘What the fuck! Let’s review this Kinney. You don’t believe in love. You have to save this boy, hmm, some boy, after last night I don’t think of him that way at all any more. Now somehow you seem to have ‘feelings’ for this beautiful being. So now what? Is this what was supposed to happen? Is this totally fucked? Am I dragging us both down the wrong path? Maybe God/Deb made a terrible mistake.’

Brian gently disentangled himself from Justin.

He moved a little way away then held himself up on his elbow and just looked at Justin.

‘So what do I need to save you from sunshine? Yourself? Me. . . I always pictured myself as the big bad wolf, but I think you’ve got enough demons for the both of us.’

Justin stretched lazily, “Should I charge an observation fee?”

He smiled his heart-stopping smile at Brian.

Brian held his breath and smiled back, this time Justin felt his heart lurch.

“I was trying to memorize every part of your body,” he said a little sheepishly.

“Why, are you planning on going somewhere?”

‘This would be the perfect time to tell him the truth.’

“You never know what’s going to happen in this life.”

‘Fuck Kinney, now you’ve resorted to trite sayings? You deserve to go to Hell.’

Justin stretched again this time more suggestively, his cock bobbing with the movement.

Brian groaned, reaching out his hand to almost absently stroke Justin’s half-erect prick.

“I was going to say, ‘we need to have a serious talk’”

He continued to stroke as he spoke.

Justin smirked and began to thrust up into the hand, “I think this is very serious.”

He rolled back onto Brian, trapping his hand and rubbing himself against Brian so his cock too, soon became rock hard.

Justin reached over and grabbed the lube and condom.

He grinned as he handed the lube to Brian and proceeded to roll the condom onto Brian’s, by now rock-hard cock.

“Did anyone ever tell you you’re a bad influence?” Brian moaned, as he warmed up the lube with his fingers, placing index fingers from both hands into Justin’s hole, pushing and stretching his willing partner.

“Constantly.” cooed Justin; ecstatically nibbling on Brian’s ear.

 

This time neither seemed in a hurry.

Each took the time to really get to know the other; exploring all the nooks and crannies, delighting in each moan, sigh or wriggle that demonstrated the desired reaction. Fingertips slid smoothly over planes and valleys, lingering if they found a spot that elicited an ecstatic response.

Brian couldn’t believe how well they moved together; it was as if they had always been a pair and always would be.

‘Fuck where did that thought come from? Did they give you wings Kinney or just take away your balls?’

Just then Justin took Brian’s cock and placed it by his puckered entrance.

“I need you inside me NOW!!”

Justin’s plea/demand, went straight to Brian’s cock and all other thoughts were forgotten in a ‘dance’ that was older than time.

Justin straddled Brian but Brian controlled the younger man’s movements; deliberately slowing the pace despite Justin’s furious attempts to speed it up.

“Relax, lover, we’ll get there, just enjoy the ride.”

He felt Justin relax into the slower rhythm as he lifted him up till only the tip was still inside; then slowly slid him down again.

“BRIAAAAN! Fuck!, this is. . . Oh My God, Fuck!”

This time it was Justin’s turn to try to handle the torrent of emotions and sensations Brian was producing in him.

Eventually, Brian could no longer fight the urge to speed up and go deeper into the delightful arse that held and milked his cock with such expertise.

He started to fuck Justin harder, deliberately changing the angle, so that he hit Justin’s prostate at each thrust.

Justin’s babble became even more incoherent.

Neither could say who came first, as they screamed their blissful responses into the most incredible kiss either had shared.

Both men fell boneless onto the bed.

“I love you,” Justin whispered into Brian’s ear before drifting off once more into a deep sleep.

“Likewise, Sunshine,” Brian murmured before joining his lover in sleep.

 

 

Justin woke up slightly panicked to find Brian missing; then heard the quiet hum of the computer coming from behind one of the screens. He silently crept out from the bed, dragging the duvet with him and draping it over his body.

“So, whatcha doin’?” 

Justin peered curiously over Brian’s shoulder.

Brian smiled back over his shoulder while keeping his fingers busy on the sensitive pad with the electronic pencil, shading and changing colours and lines with just a touch.

 

“I thought maybe this might help you with your hand, it only needs the slightest touch, no strain.”

Justin was just about to ‘Queen Out’ big-time; when he looked into Brian’s eyes, catching the hopeful yet cautious glimmer within the depths, behind the façade of confidence everyone else saw and Brian tried so hard to project.

“Can I try?”

He leaned over Brian’s shoulder, and began to make changes to the two figures, Brian had been drawing; as he became more intent, Brian sat back and watched. He marveled at the surety in Justin’s strokes, as he turned the two figures Brian had started into to obviously enraptured lovers.

‘Fuck you can almost hear the panting and smell the sweat!’  
Brian was too scared to interrupt the obvious concentration emanating from every muscle and obvious in the attitude; eventually maneuvering Justin so he was now seated at the computer and Brian was free to order some Take Away. 

Justin looked up as he heard the door opening.

“Ah welcome back to the land of the living Sunshine.”

Justin grimaced at Brian’s mocking tone.

Brian moved over to have a look at the computer image, “Fuck!”

The exclamation made Justin jump.

The altered image had suddenly become somehow sinister, with shadowy figures now menacing the ecstatic lovers.

“What happened to my two stick figures?”

No one could deny the genius of the finished result, but neither could they deny the feelings that coursed through their bodies at the sight of it.

Brian was immediately repelled by the image on the computer.

At first he tried to cover it up, but then realized that Justin would not expect anything less than complete honesty when it came to his art.

“Fuck, Justin that is scarier than any horror movie I’ve ever seen, Wes Craven should take notes from you. Is that really the way you see the world?”

Justin shrugged his shoulders.

“It just kind of seemed to make itself, since the bashing, unless I am sketching I just end up with these macabre ideas that end up on canvas or whatever, that is if my hand co operates.”

“Do I smell food?”

“Yeah I got Thai for me,” Brian noted the downturn in the sunny smile, “and pizza for you.”

Justin threw his arms around Brian.

The effusive thank you kiss threatened to turn into something else.

Brian gently pushed Justin away, “I thought you were hungry.”

“I am.”

Brian moaned at the deliberate seductive tone.

“You sit there and eat the pizza, I’ll sit over on the couch and eat my Thai.”

“Spoilsport, wouldn’t you much rather eat me?”

Again Brian moaned but made no reply, fiercely concentrating on his food and trying to ignore the manner in which Justin was slowly sucking the cheese from the pizza then swallowing the rest whole.

‘I am not imagining his mouth around my cock. I am not imagining his mouth around my cock. I am not,’

“Oh fuck it!”

Brian wolfed down the last of his Thai and launched himself at Justin, ripping the duvet off and sucking Justin’s cock deeply into his throat.

“Fuck Brian, what are you doing?’

Brian pulled back briefly to smirk at the excited confusion on Justin’s face.

“I was worried you might get a stain on the duvet.”

Justin buried his hands in Brian’s hair as he was once more deep-throated by Brian.

He held Brian gently, stroking and moaning encouragement.

Brian held his fingers up to Justin’s mouth.

Justin sucked them in immediately; knowing straight away what Brian wanted.

Brian stopped sucking just long enough to turn Justin around to face the breakfast bar.

He used his slick finger to open Justin up and prepare him.

“Fuck me please Brian.”

“Always ready to oblige,” Brian reached into the top drawer of the breakfast bar and pulled out a condom and some lube.

“You keep supplies in your kitchen?!”

“Don’t you think I would have made a great boy scout?”

Justin felt rather than saw Brian’s smirk and upraised eyebrow.

“At least they wouldn’t have to worry about the boys being seduced by the scout masters.”

“Why Sunshine, I’m surprised at you; surely you know that all those virgin arses would have been perfectly safe with me?”

By now both the boys were shaking with suppressed laughter.

“What about the naughty boy scouts?”

Justin wiggled his bottom provocatively in Brian’s face.

Brian gently bit Justin’s arse, alternately biting and licking and sucking till he felt the urgency in Justin’s responses.

“Bad boys have to be punished!”

“Punish me please,” by now Justin was almost frantic with need.

“How should I punish you little boy?”

“With your big thick cock, please sir!”

Justin’s voice broke into a squeak as Brian thrust his tongue as deep as he could into Justin’s hole.

Justin’s hand reached down for his own cock only to have it slapped away.

“Uh uh, patience my naughty boy,” Brian positioned his cock carefully at Justin’s pulsing hole. 

Justin tried to thrust back, needing to fill the empty space left by Brian’s tongue.

Brian slapped his cheeks lightly, “Tut, tut I said, ‘Patience’”

“Fuck patience and fuck me!”

Justin was almost becoming incoherent in his frustration.

Brian was enjoying tormenting him but his cock was becoming just as demanding as Justin.

He placed it as Justin’s entrance once more, this time pushing in slightly.

Justin moaned, trying to pull Brian in further.

Brian backed off slightly, still just keeping his cock inside Justin’s hole.

“Aaargh! Please, please, please. I love you!”

Brian thrust into Justin and immediately began hammering into Justin.

Justin responded in kind until a frantic rhythm was attained.

Justin had to grab the breakfast bar to keep his balance, meeting every thrust with equal passion.

As both men approached their peak, Brian slipped his hand around to grasp Justin’s cock, pumping in time to their fast pace.

Both knew that they would not be able to keep this pace up for long but neither cared.

Brian lifted Justin slightly, once more hitting the prostate at will and once more pushing Justin over the edge of the abyss, following rapidly with his own unbelievable orgasm.

Brian supported Justin who looked as if he were about to melt into a puddle on the floor.

“Just as well you had the pizza,” Brian again raised his eyebrow at the seemingly boneless young man in his arms, “I think you’re going to need all those carbs.”

“Huh?”

“Well someone’s going to have to wash the duvet.”

Brian indicated the now cum-stained material at Justin’s feet.

“But it will wait till the morning.”

Brian lifted Justin into his arms and carried him to the bedroom, grabbed the throw-rug from the couch and curled up beside his lover.

Sleep was not long in coming to both bodies as they snuggled up to each other.

 

 

Brian looked around at the swirling clouds.

“Fuck not yet! I haven’t finished yet. What the fuck am I doing back here?”

Brian looked frantically at his back, was it his imagination or did there actually look like there were less black feathers on his wings?

He did not have long to speculate before Debbie and Vic appeared.

 

“Oh Shit!”

“Mind your language, arsehole!” Debbie said lovingly.

“What did I do wrong? I gave him his art back, wasn’t that what you wanted?”

“You aren’t back here permanently so don’t get your knickers in a twist. This is more of a mid-term report.”

Brian could feel himself starting to relax.

“Don’t think I don’t know what you have been up to though!”

Debbie’s voice sounded a bit stern, but still had love threaded through.

“You mean?”

“Yes, I don’t remember telling you to fuck him. I’m pretty sure I said you had to save him.”

“It wasn’t just a fuck.”

The words were said so softly Debbie almost missed them. She smiled softly to herself and turned to wink at Vic, her plan was working beautifully, but she couldn’t let Brian know that.

“However, in Justin’s case I think this maybe the way to get close to him. No one else has been able to even touch him. You have to use this to get him to let go of the hatred and fear that he has held onto since the bashing.”

“What do you mean? Of course, the painting, that’s why they look so forbidding! It’s reflecting his mental state. Fuck if that is how he feels inside how the hell do I deal with that?”

“That is what you have to find out! Time is running out!”

Brian woke up to Justin screaming and clinging to him hysterically.


	12. Heaven's Gate

Brian pulled the young man tight up against him.

Urgently trying to give him his strength, Brian began to utter all the thoughts that he’d been bottling up.

“It’s ok, I’m here, nothing can hurt you, I won’t let anything hurt you.”

Justin clung to Brian like a man drowning, desperately trying to wake himself from the nightmare.

“I can’t breathe, everything’s black!”

“Breathe with me, let me breathe for you.” Brian kept his voice as calm as he could even though his heart was beating so hard he was sure that Justin must be able to hear it.

 

Eventually Justin’s breathing became calmer and although he still clung to Brian there was less of an air of desperation.

Brian’s constant soft murmur began to slow down, although he continued to stroke Justin’s back and nuzzle against his hair.

He seemed instinctively to know how to wordlessly as well as verbally work to reassure Justin, to bring him back from the brink.

“Fuck Brian, Fuck! I’m sorry! I’ve never done. . . I fucking hate this!”

“Justin it is ok. I care about you. I can see something is seriously wrong. We need to deal with this. Let me help you.”

‘Is this what Deb means? Is this what I was sent back for? Fuck I’ve never said those words to anyone, only Mikey and that was as his brother, this doesn’t feel brotherly at all. This feels like, you hurt/ I hurt stuff. Fuck is this what love feels like?’

Justin peeked out from under Brian’s chin, he was still sniffling and hiccupping slightly.

He tried to unobtrusively wipe his nose on his sleeve.

“You look like a kid who’s trying to hide his snotty nose from his mum.” 

Brian smiled tenderly at him and handed him a tissue from the box near the bed.

Justin started to chuckle, then labored fiercely to stop it becoming hysterical.  
Through it all Brian remained calm, ceaselessly stroking and massaging the young man’s back and shoulders, offering non-judgemental peace.

“Justin, look at me.”

Justin turned his trembling gaze trustingly towards Brian.

“I don’t know where this is going. If you had met me two weeks ago, I would have told you I don’t do love. My friends would have taken great pains to back me up and fill you in on all the horror stories of guys I’ve fucked, fucked up and left.”

He could feel Justin start to pull away from him and gently but firmly pulled him back into his embrace.

“But something happened and you are a part of that something. I don’t know what will happen, and I can’t give any guarantees, but if you are willing to try then I will try to.”

“Try what?”

“Try some sort of R . . .Rel . . .oh fuck I can’t say that fucking word, I’ve fought against it my whole life. All my life I’ve been a fuck ‘em and leave ‘em guy. But I want you, I want you and me to be more of an ‘us’.”

The last word was almost whispered.

Justin just stared at Brian.

He leaned in and kissed him on the tip of his nose, then slowly moved back, still staying within the circle of his arms.

He continued to stare into Brian’s eyes as if searching for something within the hazel depths.

“You want me?”

“Fuck yeah! Do I really have to say the words?”

“But I want all of you, not just the bit you show to everyone else, I don’t just want the Sunshine I need the rain too.”

“Wait a minute, if you get all of me does that mean I get all of you. Not just the fucking amazing stud in bed or the gorgeous hunk that everyone wants. I want to get to know the person who decided it was better to push everyone away before they could have a chance to get close.”

‘Fuck he’s learnt that about me already? Maybe there is hope for us, intelligent little fucker.’

Now both the men felt like they were standing on the edge of an incredibly steep precipice.

For a while they stayed frozen in each other’s arms, hardly daring to breathe and afterward neither could have said who moved first.

Next minute they were kissing passionately. Devouring each other as if breathing was not a necessity but becoming part of the other body was.

“Not this time Sunshine. This time we talk, not fuck. This is a r. . . r. . . partnership we are building and we are not letting each other get away with any of our usual tricks to divert, distort or avoid the hard truths.”

Justin looked ruefully at Brian. It may be slightly dishonest when dealing with the one you love to use sex to distract but it was also a lot of fun!

 

“OK I guess the best thing is for us to just talk. That should be easy. I’ll start”

Brian cleared his throat.

‘This shouldn’t be too hard, think of all the presentations you’ve done for reluctant clients. To open up yourself to the person you lo. . ; have feelings for should be a piece of cake,’

Justin looked up at him expectantly, trustingly.

 

Neither of them had ever thought of silence as being something physical before.

It had always seemed like just a lack of noise, not a presence in itself.

Of course they’d both heard of silence so dense you could cut it with a knife but they’d never actually experienced it before.

This silence was not so much dense, as glacier-like.

This silence required not just a knife to cut it but a massive nuclear attack.

The soft noise of the clock seemed like a cannon shot each time it ticked.

Still Justin and Brian looked at each other.


	13. Heaven's Gate

“Justin! Justin! Are you in there?”

Daphne’s insistent calling and banging on the door finally brought Justin and Brian out of their respective reveries.

Brian stood up and stretched, Justin ogled the small sliver of skin and licked his lips, unconsciously echoing the stretching motion.

Brian slid the door open with practiced ease.

“What the fuck? Daphne?”

“About time,” Daphne looked around, “Did I interrupt anything?”

She looked hopefully at Justin, who ruefully shook his head.

“I came to see if Justin was all right.”

Daphne stared hard at Brian trying to read the answer in his eyes.

Brian’s face, as usual was unreadable.

He smirked to himself, ‘I‘ve spent years perfecting this face Daphne, you don’t think I’m going to give myself away to my twink’s fag hag, do you?’

Daphne looked at Justin, his face was always easy to read.

‘Now what’s put that sunshine look back on his face?’

‘He called me ‘His’ twink! Shit I can read his thoughts now?’ 

Justin could not keep the smile from his face.

“Well, anyway, it’s Saturday night, I wanted to see if you two were going out.”

“Well, we were just about to have a serious talk. . .” Brian started.

“But we’d much rather communicate on the dance floor, of course we’re going out.” Justin blurted over the top of Brian.

Brian raised and eyebrow and looked sideways at Justin.

The look clearly saying, “I know exactly what you are up to and even if I choose to let you get away with it at the moment, we will have that talk and you are merely postponing the inevitable.”

Justin sidled up to Brian giving him his most winning smile, carefully calculated to melt the frostiest iceberg.  
Brian shrugged, “Ok, I guess we’re both up for it.”

“Yeah, I just bet you both are!”

This time it was Daphne’s turn to smirk.

“Bab –ee – lon, here we come! Oh my God, what will I wear? Daphne, can you drive me home?”

 

Brian surveyed his domain with satisfaction, having said, “Not interested”, at least 50 times already since his arrival half an hour ago. He leaned on the bar, watching the dance floor intently.

He smiled to himself as he watched Daphne and Justin make their way through the entrance. The smile turned into a frown as he watched Justin being continuously hit on. He half-started to join the pair, then settled back onto the bar as he noticed Justin cheerfully shaking his head at all offers.

The minute Justin and Daphne reached him at the bar, Brian immediately placed his arm around Justin’s shoulder.

As Emmet came up to keep Daphne company, Brian whisked Justin onto the dance floor.

Amongst the pumping, prancing, half-naked bodies Brian and Justin stood out like diamonds around a pig’s neck.

Together the boys seemed to be in a world of their own.

Moving in perfect synchronicity, every part of their bodies was in tune with its counterpart.

Daphne was laughing and grinning at Emmet as they compared their views of all the pretty boys and their apparel.

Brian had his arms loosely over Justin’s shoulders and Justin had his arms wound around Brian’s waist, their hips pressed together and their cocks rubbing each other through their denim jeans.

Their breathing became heavier and more ragged as they danced.

Brian bent his head to breathe in Justin’s scent, the heady smell of sweat mixed with arousal made him want to race Justin into the back room immediately. ‘Ah yes but then this delicious rhythmic torture would cease.’

‘Fuck this isn’t dancing; it’s fucking foreplay with music,’ Justin mused to himself, ‘God I want him to drag me to the back room and fuck my brains out.’

Justin turned around in the circle of Brian’s arms and continued dancing.

His arse was now grinding invitingly onto Brian’s iron-hard cock.

Brian groaned, “Little tease.”

Justin laughed over his shoulder, “No way, teasers don’t deliver, I fully intend to let you fuck me.” He moved just a little way away, turning in one fluid movement and kissing Brian full on the lips, dancing gracefully away; his sunshine smile in full force, “Later!”

Brian groaned again half in pain and half with laughter at Justin’s audacity.

He reached forward and pulled Justin into a hot and heavy petting session.

He sucked on Justin’s tongue, piercing his brilliant blue eyes with his equally brilliant, blazing hazel ones.

Justin wrapped his tongue around Brian’s, and then started to explore the deep recesses of his mouth. Brian moaned into his mouth.

Once more their cocks ground against each other; seeming determined to break through the layers of material that separated them.

Brian tugged gently on the hair at the back of Justin’s neck and started to kiss him along the side of his neck, slowly working his way up to Justin’s ear, knowing that sucking on his ear lobe and gently blowing into his wet ear hole would drive him mad.

Justin continued to writhe sensuously against Brian, pushing his hands up under his shirt and flicking his nipples so that they became nearly as hard as his cock.

“We so have to get the fuck out of here!”

“Emmet, take Daphne home, Justin and I are leaving now!”

“Arseholes!” Daphne and Emmet chorused, laughing together as they watched their friends dash frantically for the exit.

Running and laughing along the alley to Brian’s car, the two boys stopped every now and then to find each other’s mouths and reassure each other that they were still there.

Brian pinned Justin to the side of the car with his hips; firmly keeping the young man in place.

He began to nip and kiss his way down Justin’s body, undoing buttons as he went.

Justin tangled his fingers in Brian’s soft brown hair, stroking and pulling softly trying to convey his love and passion in the touch.

Brian nuzzled at Justin’s crotch; lightly nipping him through the denim, smiling softly to himself as he heard the moan in response.

“Suck it please Brian, I need to feel you.”

Only too happy to oblige, Brian immediately unzipped Justin’s jeans, pulling them down and engulfing Justin’s cock with his mouth at the exact instant Justin thrust forward.

Brian cupped Justin’s balls in his hands and rolled them while he sucked strongly, using his tongue to swirl Justin’s prick and delve into the cleft at the tip.

Brian felt like he could not get enough of the taste of Justin, smoothly running his lips along the underside of his cock, pausing to once more taste the pre-cum leaking from the tip, then once again deep-throating the boy till he was teetering on the edge.

“Oh God, Brian, I’m going to cum, fuck me please! I need you inside me!”

The plaintive cry went directly to Brian’s cock; which already hard, became even harder.

Brian spun Justin around and grabbed a condom and small tube of lube from his back pocket.

He wasted no time preparing Justin, knowing Justin was more than ready for him.

He placed his cock at Justin’s entrance, again hardly giving him time to adjust.

Justin pushed back to signal his eagerness and Brian knew instinctively that Justin wanted it hard and fast, again exactly in tune with Brian’s wishes.

Totally spent both men collapsed against the side of the car, barely able to summon up the energy to climb inside.

 

Brian smiled to himself as he thought of Justin.

He sat at his desk thinking of the way they’d spent Sunday, sucking, fucking and exploring each other’s bodies in a way he’d never done with another human being before.

He’d always sworn that there were no returns and no repeats, but with Justin there never was a repeat as their lovemaking was never the same twice.  
He felt his cock grow hard again as he remembered the rim job Justin had given him and the eagerness with which the young man had asked for advice and approval for his technique.

He vaguely heard the intercom, and had to mentally shake himself to reply to Cynthia’s, “You’re 9.00 am appointment is here Brian.”

Brian sighed, ‘I’d so much prefer to be at home at the loft making love to Justin, than sitting here spinning more lies to more fucking clients.’

He stood up and opened the door.

Serene and Gabriel stalked through with extremely serious expressions on their faces.

“Despite our previous warning, you seem to keep being distracted from the main objective of your time here. We have decided it is necessary to take matters into our own hands. Mr Kinney your actions will have consequences.”

Again Brian seemed to here the voice of eternity and judgment.

He stood speechless as Serene and Gabriel let themselves out of his office.


	14. Heaven's Gate

Brian felt all day like he was waiting for ‘the other shoe to drop’ or the sword of Damocles to descend on his head.

Nothing had happened, he’d had two fabulous presentations to clients and won 3 new contracts that day.

He hadn’t grown a tail and horns, although he kept checking just in case.

There was a strange reaction, though when he’d rung Justin at the loft at lunchtime, in that for the first time ever there didn’t seem to be the usual ‘reaction’.

Brian had dismissed that as pressure of work, and Justin’s distracted nature; certain that the moment he saw his gorgeous lover that night all would be well.

 

Justin had worked hard at the computer all day, stopping only to eat, drink, piss or dream of Brian, not necessarily in that order.

He smiled at the pile of work he’d printed out, he wasn’t sure if they’d be acceptable at PIFA, but didn’t really feel like he gave a fuck anyway.

He pulled the picture he’d made specifically for Brian, somehow he’d made him look like a superhero, and where the fuck did the ideas for wings come from?

Justin absently massaged his hand, and then pulled out yet another creation.

He wasn’t sure he was even going to show this one to Brian. It was too dark.

He looked at the central picture of the two lovers, one light haired and one dark, entangled, entwined and entranced with each other, oblivious to the multitude of threats surrounding them.

The reds, yellows and oranges enveloping the lovers were encircled by harsh dark, purples, blues, and slashes of browns.

He’d used diagonal slashing lines to emphasize the threats and give an almost thunder-storm atmosphere to the print, this combined with the suggestion of evil eyes greedily surveying the central scene combined to make the picture dark and full of foreboding, ‘Prophetic?’

‘Maybe Brian is right, I do have to deal with my ‘issues’?’

 

Justin shook the thought away and looked at the clock. 

Maybe he had time to do one more, this time he’d make sure this one was just of Brian, no threats, no darkness, just sexy hunk waiting for me to seduce him.

 

Brian let himself into the loft.

He was starting to relax, nothing had happened the whole day.

He stopped to watch Justin, intent on the computer, admiring the sexy curve of his spine as he hunched over the machine.

‘Strange,’ he thought almost absently, ‘no sign of my usual reaction; I must be more tired than I thought.’

He walked up behind the oblivious blond, bending over to kiss and nuzzle at the hair at the base of his neck.

Justin’s reaction was immediate.

He sprung up out of his chair and threw his arms around Brian.

“You’re early! You couldn’t wait to get back to me!”

Brian laughed and pulled him in for a searing kiss.

Justin gasped as he felt the familiar surging through his bloodstream of lust and passion. He unconsciously thrust his, now hard, cock into Brian; expecting to feel Brian’s rock hard cock pressing back as usual.

Brian froze.

He pushed Justin away, a look on his face midway between anguish and panic.

“What the fuck?”

“Brian? What’s wrong? Are you ok?”

Brian was speechless, he looked down at his traitorous cock.

“This,” his voice has almost high-pitched in his panic, “has never happened before, ever.”

“I’m sure it’s just a minor glitch, we just need to work on the problem.”

Justin used his most seductive voice, pulling Brian towards the bedroom and unzipping him at the same time.

Brian followed, unresisting, almost in a zombie-like state as he followed Justin with child-like trust.

‘This is not happening! I’m dreaming, this is a nightmare, I’ll wake up soon.’

“Justin,” His voice sounded small and childlike, “pinch me.”

“What?!”

“Just fucking pinch me!”

Justin grabbed a large piece of Brian’s arm and gave a pinch and twist.

“Ow, fuck!”

“Ok, not a dream!”

Justin quickly and efficiently stripped Brian and gently pushed him onto the bed, racing to divest himself of his own clothing so he could help his man with his little ‘problem’.

Justin took Brian’s flaccid cock into his mouth, no reaction.

Brian firmly but gently pushed him off. Sitting up quickly and turning his back to Justin so he couldn’t see the look of pain and panic that he knew was plastered on his face.

“Maybe, you should just go. Don’t say anything, just go!” 

The almost strangled pleas were only half-heard by Justin who was feeling very confused.

“I’ve heard of this happening before, evidently it’s not that uncommon and it doesn’t mean anything. It happens to everyone at some time or other. . .”

Justin trailed off, catching the furious look on Brian’s face.

“Not to me!” he roared. “Never to me!”

He threw off Justin’s sympathetic arms draped around his shoulders and sprang off the bed.

Brian raced to his wardrobe, grabbing the nearest ‘come fuck me’ clothes he could find.

Justin sat on the bed looking more confused that ever.

“Brian, what are you doing? Brian?”

Brian threw on the clothes, gave Justin a peck on the cheek and almost ran out the door.

“Gonna find a fucking cure of course. Back soon.”


	15. Heaven's Gate

Brian looked around at the tawdry, dismal, steamy atmosphere of the bathhouse.

‘Well if nothing happens here, I might as well go and shoot myself, Hell couldn’t be any worse than this.’

He’d already tried Woody’s and Babylon and this was his very last resort.

What was worse, if anything could be, was, every time some pretty boy started to go down on him all he could see was the disappointed, brilliant blue puppy eyes of Justin.

As countless would-be tricks could attest after countless attempts, only to be pushed away at the last minute, nothing had worked. ‘Brian the Stud’ had suddenly and inexplicably become ‘Brian the Dud’.

He prowled around looking for a suitable prospect.

He noticed someone clutching a towel as if his life depended on it.

‘Aha, a newbie, fresh meat.’

He sidled up to the man, whispering huskily, “Hi stud, why don’t you drop the towel and come over here and sit on my ten inch cock.”

The young man peered up through his blonde hair at the Adonis towering above him.

He smiled nervously, as Brian unwrapped the towel from his waist and drew him in close.

Brian waited for two heartbeats, mumbled something unintelligible and practically ran out of the bathhouse, grabbing his clothes and struggling into them; not at all concerned if he ended up running into the street naked. Everything paled into insignificance when compared to the current crisis.

He jumped into his car, feeling the first symptoms of a panic attack approaching; a problem he hadn’t had to deal with since he had moved out from his parent’s house and away from his father’s unpredictable and violent temper.

“Fuck it Kinney, calm down, fuck, shit, fuck!”

He forced his breathing to slow down and started the car driving swiftly back to the loft.

 

“Justin! Justin,” Brian’s voice echoed back in the emptiness of the loft.

“Fuck, now what? Justin where the fuck are you?”

 

“Justin, can you get that?”

Daphne reached out, finally locating the phone beside her bed. “Mrmph?”

“Daphne? Is Justin there? I came back to the loft and he’d fucking gone!” 

Brian sounded anxious and pissed off.

“Brian?” Daphne’s voice was still gluggy with sleep, “Do you know what time it is? What the fuck did you do to Justin anyway, he was almost as bad this time as the last time he ran away from you.”

Brian winced, “Oh fuck, he must have thought it was him!”

“What, what happened? I’m awake now so tell me.”

“No, I’m coming over.”

“He’s asleep and I’m not sure he ever wants to see you again. He sobbed himself to sleep, arsehole!”

Brian held the phone away from his ear as Daphne poured her anger down the phone line.

 

Brian gently hung up the phone, glancing at the clock on his way over to Daphne’s. 

“Fuck! 2 o’clock, no wonder she was pissed. Oh well she’s awake now.”

 

“I can’t fucking believe you,” Daphne leaned on the door uncertain whether she should allow this person admittance or not.

“I know, but you can’t resist me, can you,” Brian raised his right eyebrow and gave her the patented Kinney smirk.

“Did anyone ever tell you what a bastard you are?” Daphne laughed despite herself.

“Constantly,” Brian whispered into her ear as she smiled up at him, “It’s all part of my irresistible charm.”

 

Brian eased himself into the bed beside Justin, barely fitting onto the single bed in Daphne’s guest room.

He gently moved Justin over and spooned his body against the younger man.  
Justin sighed and snuggled in deeper, reaching around to pull Brian even harder against him.

Brian echoed the sigh and at last fell asleep, all worries temporarily forgotten.

 

The sun glared mercilessly through the gap in the curtains.

Brian moaned and went to roll over, just catching himself in time before he fell out.

He automatically reached out to Justin, running his hands over the sleeping boys body as if attempting to memorise it by touch.

Justin murmured in his sleep and snuggled closer into Brian’s arms.

Brian gently nipped and nuzzled into Justin’s neck, unable and unwilling to stop his explorations.

Justin pushed his arse back into Brian and Brian waited breathlessly for the usual response.

He sighed as nothing stirred, ‘Oh well, no need for both of us to be left hanging.’

He softly rolled Justin onto his back and kissed his way down the silky smooth torso, Justin’s eyes flew open.

“Brian? What the fuck?”

Justin wanted to be furious with the man who’d just abandoned him, feeling like shit, with no good explanation.

His cock however had other ideas; especially when it was being given expert fellatio by a master of the technique.

Each flick, lick and suck brought an immediate response from deep within Justin’s body.

He started to thrust without his volition.

In a matter of moments he was pouring his seed into Brian’s more than willing mouth.

Brian kissed his way back up Justin’s body, sharing the taste and savouring the passionate kiss.

“Can I return the favour?” Justin worked hard to keep the quaver out of his voice.

“I think not beautiful,” Brian quirked an eyebrow at his confused lover, “For once the spirit is willing but the body is weak.”

 

Brian stormed into his loft, slamming the door on the way, “Debbie, God, Serene, Gabriel, Vic, whoever the fuck you are, either ‘beam me up’ now or come the fuck here! I refuse to move from this fucking room until you come!”

 

He felt the chill as clouds suddenly swirled around his feet and the almost ghostly figures of Deb/God and Vic appeared in the loft.

“Arsehole!”

This time beneath the loving banter was the definite undertone of steel.

“What do you want this time?”

“Do you know what they’ve done to me?”

Brian was almost apoplectic with rage.

“Brian I love you dearly, but you can’t expect me to watch your every move.”

Brian ground his teeth in the effort to not punch Deb’s lights out.

He idly wondered what would happen if he tried, would his fist pass straight through? Would he be turned into a pillar of salt?

He grinned to himself as he thought about Justin’s salty taste that morning.

“Wipe that grin off your face Kinney.” Deb demanded, “And tell me what is going on.”

Brian turned his back to the pair, knowing he would be unable to tell then to their faces.

“Seems that your two ‘henchmen’ got the idea that I was more into fucking Justin than helping him, so they decided to do something about it!”

The words poured out of him, tumbling over themselves in their hurry to pour out of his mouth.

He swung around to see Deb and Vic shaking with silent laughter.

“It is not fucking funny! You need to control you’re so-called helpers, right fucking now!”

“Sorry Brian, I can’t reverse a decision like this taken by an agent ‘in the field’ the only person who can do anything about this ‘situation’ is you. If you do manage to rescue Justin from his demons, (and you from yours),” she added silently, “then they may be persuaded to reverse their decision.”

“Holy fuck!” Brian whispered as the full magnitude of the problem really dawned on him.

“Exactly My Son.” Debbie added as she once more disappeared in a cool swirl of cloud.


	16. Heaven's Gate

Brian pushed himself back away from his computer. He absently went to the fridge to get a bottle of water, then changed his mind and reached for the bottle of Beam instead.

‘They can’t take all my pleasures away from me.’ he mused.

Even his mean-spirited mother and his fucking violent father hadn’t made him feel this helpless and weak. 

It was not a feeling he enjoyed, so in true Kinney style he was going to ignore it until he could do something about it.

His research had put some of Justin’s problems in sharp relief. 

‘Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, of course, why didn’t I see it before? Shit Kinney, maybe those fucking hench-angels were right, you couldn’t see past your dick, could you?’

‘Phillip Nottle, seems like the guy to see, he’s mentioned in a lot of sites, including ones I trust like some of the uni psych sites. Bonus is looks like he might be queer, certainly had my gaydar pinging when I saw his pic on his profile page. Just my luck he’s based in New York, fuck could he be further away, well it’s worth a fucking phone call anyway.’

 

“Justin, it’s Brian, ring me back when you get this message.”

Justin nearly pulled a muscle in his hurry to ring back.

“Hi Brian, been a while, I thought maybe you’d forgotten about me.” Justin’s voice sounded more wistful than accusatory.

“Sorry Sunshine, been busy.”

Justin wisely decided to let that slide, although he did wonder what things could have been more important than he that kept Brian busy.

“So, what did you ring for?”

“There’s a guy I’d like you to see, he is lecturing at PIFA but I managed to persuade him to take some time to see us.”

Justin hugged himself when he heard Brian use the word ‘us’.

“So who is this guy and why would he want to see us?” Justin’s lilting voice made Brian smile as he pictured the young man giving one of his famous Sunshine smiles into the phone. He knew exactly which word had caused the joyful response.

“His name is Phillip Nottle, apparently he’s the best in his field.”

“Justin, are you still there . .. .Justin?”

Brian was staring at the phone, as if trying to see Justin’s reaction.

“Who the fuck do you think you are? How fucking dare you!”

Justin was seething and his anger came clearly through the phone line.

Of all the reactions Brian was expecting, this one would have been at the bottom of his list.

“I am not some sick fuck that needs to be fixed by some so-called psychological expert!”

The resounding click as Justin hung up the phone brought Brian out of his shock.

“Well, that went well.”


	17. Heaven's Gate

“Daphne, what the fuck just happened?” Brian’s voice sounded almost childlike in his confusion.

“I don’t know ,he stormed out of here crying, cursing you, cursing psychologists and cursing the world in general. He didn’t even look at me. Tell me exactly what you said.”

This time Daphne’s voice had none of her usual infectious gaiety. The concerned tones came through loud and clear, alerting Brian to the seriousness of Justin’s reactions.

“I thought I’d done the right thing, I set up an appointment with a renowned psychoanalyst/psychologist to see Justin, to help him get over the bashing, help him start to trust people again and stop those debilitating nightmares he has. . .”

Brian’s voice trailed off as tears ran down his cheeks and he thought of the scared little boy he’d wrapped in his arms.

“I just know he needs to deal with the anger and fear he still feels or it will end by wrecking his life.”

Once more Brian was subjected to silence from the other end, “Daphne, Daphne? Are you still there?”

“Oh Shit Brian, you should have talked to me first.”

“What? Why?” 

Now Brian was even more alarmed.

“Cause, I would have told you that Justin’s dad suffered from schizophrenia, that he was under treatment at a sanatorium for six months, and that after he was released he thought he was cured; stopped taking his meds and committed suicide. Justin was only 11, he still thinks he could have done something to change things; he outwardly blames the whole profession. Justin has hated psychologists ever since and secretly fears he will inherit the mental illness and become like his dad.”

“Holy fuck, why didn’t you tell me this sooner?”

“Because I had no idea, you were going to pull a stunt like this!”

Brian looked thoughtful, “Where could Justin be now?”

“When he used to get overwhelmed by life he would end up at the Art Gallery, he loved the Post-Modern exhibit. You could try there.”

 

Brian’s car screeched to a halt outside the Gallery.

The Security guard gave him a bemused look as he hurried inside, scanning the information board to find the right section and trying to work out what to say to Justin at the same time.

He saw him the moment he walked into the Post Modern section.

The pain in his heart almost dropping him to his knees, as he saw the young man curled up in a ball on a seat in the middle of the room, shaking as sobs ripped through his body.

For a split second, Brian just wanted to escape the whole thing! He could not comprehend how he could possible fix this. The exit looked very attractive, Justin hadn’t even seen him, he could give the boy time to pull himself together. . .

‘Fuck it Kinney, you’re doing it again,. No running this time, you did this, you have to fix it.’

He resolutely approached Justin, stopping just short of the seat, still looking like he might run at any moment.

‘Just do what you feel, don’t over think this.’

He sat next to Justin and put his arm around him.

Justin remained oblivious.

Brian pulled the shaking body into his, “Justin, I’m so sorry, I should have known, I should have asked you. I love you, please don’t cry, talk to me, please.”

Brian’s voice broke and tears were coursing down his cheeks too.

Justin curled up tighter into a ball, but turned into Brian, snaking his arm to reach around Brian’s tense body.

He lifted his tear-stained face to Brian.

Brian lowered his face and started to kiss the tears away.

Justin placed his hand on Brian’s jaw and wiped the tears with his thumb.

He took a deep breath.

“Wh-Why’d you come?”

“Because I knew I’d hurt you and I couldn’t stand the thought of hurting you.”

Brian knew that only total honesty was going to break through the barriers he could already see being erected in Justin.

“I thought you wanted to fix me! Like I’m some dumb, broken toy,” anger as well as sorrow now sparked in Justin’s blue eyes.

“I thought I could help you?! Fuck Justin I can’t even fix myself!”

“What do you mean, you’re perfect?” 

Justin managed a tremulous smile to reinforce the statement.

“Oh yeah, I can’t form a loving relationship, (I still fucking hate that word). I’m impotent, (hate that fucking word even more); oh yeah and I’m heading to Hell with speed and gay abandon. That’s how perfect I am.” Brian almost spat the words out like they were bile.

Justin gave a lopsided, confused grin.

“Huh?”

“It’s a long story and I’d prefer to tell you all about it without an audience,” Brian looked up at the nearby tourists who were following a guide but were far more interested in the tableau on the seat in the middle of the room than the abstract art on the walls surrounding it.

He gently lifted Justin to his feet, kissing him softly on the forehead.

“Let’s go back to the loft and really talk.”

 

Brian sat Justin tenderly down onto the sofa; he had not stopped touching him, stroking him or holding him since they’d left the Gallery. It was as if he was frightened that if he let him go he would disappear.

He could see that the storms of emotion that had ripped through the young man had left him exhausted and helpless.

Justin sat on the sofa, holding the glass of Jim Beam Brian had placed in his fingers and staring into space.

“This time I’ll start,” Brian’s voice faltered for a minute, “but I’m not good at this, so please just listen. When I’ve finished, you need to talk to me, agreed?”

Justin nodded.

Brian looked intently into Justin’s eyes, his arms still loosely around Justin’s shoulders, his forehead resting gently onto Justin’s.

“You know this isn’t going to ‘fix’ anything, this is just the beginning, right?”

Again Justin nodded.

Brian took a deep breath, trying hard to keep the tremors from his voice as he spoke.

“No one knows the whole of this, some people know pieces, but no one knows the whole, you are the first person I’ve ever told any of this stuff to, you know?”

Justin pulled himself into Brian’s lap and kissed his cheek in reply, then curled into Brian’s shoulder.

“Fuck when I go to say it, it sounds like something out of a soap opera.”

“Hmmm, I could just picture you in one of those; sexy, ruggedly handsome,” Justin murmured, placing tiny kisses along Brian’s jawline.

Brian smiled despite himself, kissing Justin deeply in return.

“No distractions! If I don’t do this now I never will.”


	18. Heaven's Gate

“You fucking died!?”

Justin’s wide blue eyes stared up into Brian’s.

‘Fucking Hell, fucking teenagers, they always get hung up on the smallest details!’

Brian placed his tongue into his cheek and bit back the caustic remark lingering on his lips.

“A little to the right of center, huh?”

“Un-fucking-believable! And they thought my dad had delusions!”

Justin sat shaking his head.

“How, why, how?”

“Well like I told you, I was completely screwed up, with the exception of my friends, I cared about nobody but me, and I didn’t even do that very well. I think I confused fucking with intimacy? Well no, even that’s not true, I was terrified of intimacy. I could never let anyone get close. If they were close they had the power to hurt me. I was never going to let that happen again.”

Brian took a deep breath and continued, “Everyone always thinks that the worst part of abuse is the physical violence, the outer pain the broken bones, concussions, the cuts and abrasions. They heal, mostly, but inside there is always someone telling you how worthless you are, how inferior you are to all those around you. You are always scared that one day someone will rip aside the persona you try so hard to build and see the scared, little fucking nobody you really are. No amount of money, position, even respect can change that. Not even love, the only one who can change that is you.”

 

Justin sat quietly and passively in Brian’s arms.

“I thought my dad got sick because of me,” the quiet voice seemed to come out of nowhere.

Brian held his breath waiting for more.

“I knew even at 11 that I was gay. I’d already been on the web. Mum thought I was studying. I suppose I was.” Justin gave a wry chuckle.

“I thought God was punishing me. When dad died I figured that was my fault too. I kept waiting to get the illness. The only thing I felt that kept me sane was my art. If life got too bad I could always sketch, or paint, just lose myself, you know?”

Brian nodded; reluctant to break the mood by speaking.

“So after fucking Hobbs bashed me in the head, I thought my life was over. I felt like I was just going through the motions of living, and that; one day, I would just stop. Maybe when mum had got over dad’s death. She still hasn’t. She doesn’t go out. She tries to hide it, we’re very good WASPs, good at hiding. So I figured I’d just wait for a while, till she’s ok then just quietly disappear. Until you came I didn’t think it would be that hard. I used to picture my dad waiting for me, smiling.”

Brian unconsciously held Justin even tighter, letting the silence lengthen.

“You changed that, I was starting to think that maybe there was a reason we’d met. That maybe there could be a reason to stay.”

This time Justin’s voice petered out.

Brian buried his face in Justin’s soft hair, kissing him gently.

“Fuck we’re a messed up pair aren’t we?”

“Did you really die?”

“You aren’t going to get past that any time soon are you. Yes I died, went to fag heaven, or the equivalent and got sent back.”

“For me?!” the sunshine smile had almost returned to Justin’s face.

“For you, twat!”

Justin’s lips found Brian’s, softly nibbling on the lower lip.

“I can’t believe they’d take away your most precious ‘source of strength,’” Justin smirked into Brian’s mouth.

“Hmm, they forced me to find another, ‘source of strength’ precocious twat!”

Brian was responding to the kiss, despite himself.

He tentatively licked along the inside of Justin’s lower lip, silently asking admission.

Justin ran his tongue along Brian’s top lip tacitly granting permission.

In moments the kiss became lust-filled and passionate.

Part falling, part walking, part stumbling they lurched towards the bed together.

Both men so caught up in the torrent of passions coursing through their blood that neither considered for an instant that there could be any impediment to the inevitable ending.


	19. Heaven's Gate

Justin wasn’t sure which he enjoyed the most; the incredible heights their passionate lovemaking took them to, or the sweet post-coital bliss he was enjoying right now.

“This is heavenly!” he sighed as he idly ran his hands over Brian’s chest.

“No, much better than heaven! I should know,” Brian kissed Justin’s forehead lightly, “I went to heaven and you weren’t there. So does this mean you’ve forgiven me? Will you come and see Phillip with me?”

“Will you talk to him too? I think we’ll need more than one session.”

Brian fought hard to keep the jubilation from his voice as he answered evenly, the only sign of his joy being the slightly raised eyebrow.

“He said he wanted one session, then he can recommend our next step from there. He thinks you are a ‘very brave young man’, direct quote by the way, and he is looking forward to meeting you.”

“You mean us!”

“Yeah, yeah, us, little twat!”

Brian rolled over on top of Justin.

“I want to stay here for eternity,” Justin whispered as Brian kissed his forehead, eyes, nose and eventually his already swollen lips.

“Eternity isn’t as long as it used to be.” Brian said wryly.

“You should know.” Justin smiled at Brian.

“Yes and I don’t intend for you to find out any time soon, so you’d better get up, get dressed and get ready to go to Debbie’s for dinner, or she’ll cheerfully kill both of us!”

 

 

Justin could no longer bottle up the joy he was feeling.

He kept running in front of Brian almost tripping him.

Brian did not have the heart to rebuke him, grinning widely at his lover’s antics.

“We’re done! I never thought we could do it! I feel like we’ve graduated or something. They should give us a certificate!”

“They did, they gave us the bill. I’m in the wrong fucking profession.”

Even Brian’s usual sarcasm could not affect Justin’s jubilation.

“We should wear a lapel button, that says, “WE SURVIVED!” We got through counseling without killing the counselor,” he threw a look at Brian, who had the grace to duck his head whilst grinning.

“Without killing each other!”

Justin swung around behind Brian.

“And without killing ourselves!”

“At least so far!” Brian whispered softly into Justin’s ear. 

“Nothing can bring me down! We worked hard, we deserve a reward.”

Brian pulled Justin in close, oblivious to the stares of the crowd on the street witnessing the display of delight.

“Yeah, we do, so now how about a week away, snowboarding; an exclusive cabin in the mountains, spa, no phone and nobody else for miles? We’ve worked hard for the last six months, no matter how hard it got we kept going!”

Justin grinned his 1000-volt smile, “And it did get hard, often!”

“Silly twat,” affection laced ever syllable Brian uttered, “You know what I meant.”

“Yeah,” suddenly Justin became serious as he remembered, Brian breaking down and crying as he recounted an incident involving his violent father and his totally remote, disinterested and disconnected mother.

Brian noticed the change immediately, the counseling had really helped the men’s connection and communication, whether verbal or not.

He reflected on the week from hell when Justin had undergone regression therapy and had remembered all the details from the prom and seemed to go back to that stage in his life; where he couldn’t bear anybody to touch him. He thought the eerie quiet withdrawal of love from the love of his life would kill him.

Brian plundered Justin’s lips mercilessly, pushing him up against the jeep.

“Are you gonna fuck me right here in the middle of the street?” Justin whispered low into Brian’s ear.

Brian felt the low husky tones go straight to his groin.

“You know how I hate public displays of affection,” again the wry smile made it’s appearance.

He opened the side door for Justin and raced around to the driver’s side.

“Where are we going? This isn’t the way back to the loft.”

Justin sounded confused, although there was still the happy lift to his voice.

“We’re going to Emmett’s he’s got our gear packed and ready. I knew if we went back to the loft there was always the risk of getting ‘distracted’,” Brian smirked knowingly at Justin lifting his right eyebrow.

Justin laughed easily, glad that he didn’t have to worry about what to pack and content to let Brian organize their lives, at least for now.

It took no time at all to pick up their gear and Justin was overjoyed when he saw that art supplies and the laptop had both been packed in.

As they headed into the mountains, Justin finally became tired after the excitement of the day and started to drift off to sleep, his head slowly nodding down onto Brian’s shoulder.

Brian smiled and gently kissed Justin on top of his head.

He would never let anyone see him like this, feeling so loving and protective towards his lover. Counseling helped him to accept, adjust and adapt to his issues; it did not produce miracles.

Night had fallen when Justin finally roused, the soft sound of blues drifting through the car.

“Are we nearly there yet?” Justin murmured, gazing out at the trees looming out of the blackness.

“A couple more hours to go,” Brian whispered into the soft hair just beneath his chin.

“Hmm, whatever can we find to do to keep us busy till then,” Justin started to undo the buttons on Brian’s shirt.

“Uh, uh Sunshine, I want to get there in one piece, not in pieces, this road is steep and winding, I need all my concentration, no distractions.”

“Spoilsport,” Justin stuck his tongue out and dropped his hand down onto Brian’s zip.

“Oh, fuck it!”

Brian screeched to a halt and pulled over to the side of the road.

“Safety first!”

Brian grinned at Justin, pulling him up for a toe-curling kiss.

“Yeehaa!”

Justin popped the top button of Brian’s jeans and hastily drew down the zipper.

Brian took a deep breath in as he anticipated the ministrations of the guy he credited with the most talented tongue in the universe, giving him head.

Justin grinned to himself as he heard and felt the indrawn breath.

 

“Shit Justin, you just get better and better, how the fuck do you do it?”

“I have the best teacher!”

“Do I know him?”

“Nah, I only have him round when you’re not there!”

“Little twat, you know I’m gonna make you suffer for that later, don’t you?”

“Ooooh, you’re not going to punish me are you?”

Silence reigned in the vehicle as Brian pushed the younger man back into the passenger seat, tilted it back and demonstrated exactly how he intended to punish Justin.

Eventually he wound the seat back up, buckling Justin into his seatbelt once more as the young man beside him tried to regain control of his breathing.

Brian put the car back into gear and released the handbrake, he turned slightly to grin at Justin; Justin returned the smile, his entire face lit with joy.

Neither heard the log truck as it screeched into the corner; neither saw the truck as it slid sideways, both felt the impact as it obliterated the jeep.


	20. Heaven's Gate

“Justin! Justin!” Brian’s frantic cries were almost lost in the swirling clouds.

“Fuck it not again!”

“Debbie, Vic, God, Whoever the fuck! Justin!”

Tears were streaming unheeded down Brian’s face.

Brian grabbed the gates in front of him, shaking them violently in his despair, “Justin! God! This can’t be happening!”

“Brian honey, calm down.” Debbie/God’s soothing voice eventually penetrated Brian’s anguish.

He swung round furiously.

“We did everything you said! We fucking did everything! Where is he? Where’s Justin, you can’t fuck us around like this!”

“Brian, calm down!” this time Deb’s voice had a hint of steel behind it.

Brian stopped shouting, the wild look never leaving his eyes, as he glared at Debbie.

“What did I do wrong?” Brian’s voice was a hoarse, defeated whisper not the desperate roar of a few moments ago.

“Honey you did nothing wrong. This is not a punishment. We are very pleased with you.”

“Then where the fuck is Justin?” anger once again permeated Brian’s low tones.

“Remember the scales?”

Brian thought back to the scales heavily weighted on one side that Vic had shown him all those months ago, felt more like eons.

“Oh shit!” maybe his time with Justin had not been enough to tip the balance.

“You nearly made it honey.”

Brian’s gulp was clearly audible across the vast expanse of heaven.

“So I . . .”

“Well someone has to go, the scales have to be in balance at the end, so we’re giving you a choice.”

“Another fucking choice, that’s easy I choose Justin, whatever it is I choose to be with Justin.”

“That’s not the choice. You need to think before you make it, you little arsehole! Now just listen!”

“Okay, I’m thinking and listening.”

A wry smile covered Brian’s face; he already knew his answer, anything for Justin.

“It has already been decided, you two have done all you can for each other. You do not need each other any more. One of you has to even the scales. One of you has to make the decision and you have to give us the reason for your decision. The only way the scales can be brought into balance is for one of you to face the fires of Hell for eternity. Eternal separation, eternal damnation for one. Eternal joy, eternal salvation for the other.”

Debbie looked at Brian, her eyes filled with sorrow and pity, but an implacable expression on her face.

“Before you make the decision, you need to know what you are deciding. You cannot make this choice blind. So we will give you a glimpse into both possibilities.”

Brian felt himself floating.

He could smell the sulphuric smell of rotting eggs, even before he felt the heat. Although he was still some distance away the heat was enough to make him feel uncomfortable, but this discomfort was forgotten as he saw the overweight, or bony, old, infirm or disfigured naked men beckoning him with lust rampant in their eyes and gestures.

Brian valiantly fought off the urge to vomit, casting imploring eyes at Debbie floating overhead, “I think I get the idea, I always thought it would be my own personal hell I’d find and I was right.”

“So now you’d like to see the alternative?”

“Do I have to see it?”

“Yes, I told you, we will not accept the decision until we are certain it is a considered, well thought out conclusion, based on knowledge of all factors and made for the right reasons.” Again Deb’s voice was stern and implacable.

Brian sighed as he felt himself floating once more.

This time he seemed to be surrounded by the most pleasant scent he could imagine.

He took a deep breath, “This smells almost as good as Justin just after we’ve fucked.”

This time when he looked down he saw young, gorgeous nubile young men.

These men would put any man at the white party or any man Brian used to chase look puny by comparison.

They all gave Brian that same look, ‘Chase me and I will let you catch me’.

Brian knew he would never run out of tricks here and every beautiful young man was different; different colours, shapes, hair, eyes, cocks, all he’d ever dreamed of in his wildest fantasies.

Some were already demonstrating their prowess and imaginative abilities to fuck with enthusiasm and flair.

Brian sighed almost regretfully and turned to Debbie.

He looked despairingly at her, “Without Justin, I would be in Hell. He always was my angel.”

“We need your decision honey.”

Brian looked up and answered strongly, although his statement was laced with defeat, “I lose either way, at least Justin can win. I choose to go to Hell.”

“You need to tell us the reason, the real reason for the choice.”

“I’ve always been a hell-raiser!?”

Brian couldn’t resist one more smart-arse remark.

Debbie just looked at him.

“Okay, I love him, okay? Is that what you want me to say? “I love him”. There is no heaven for me without him there too.”

“Done!”

This time the voice was truly Godlike, filled with sounds of harmony and strength.

“I knew you’d do it, Vic had doubts, but I knew you’d do it! I am so proud of you my son!”

Debbie’s face was wreathed in smiles and Serene, Gabriel and Vic were pounding him on the back.

“What? What did I do?” the confusion covering Brian’s face was almost comical.

“Look!”

Vic held the golden scales aloft. They were now in perfect balance.

“Huh? What the fuck? What does that mean?”

“You didn’t know the real choice honey. You had to prove you loved someone more than yourself. You had to make the ultimate sacrifice. That was the only way to change the scales.”

“But. . . . how did you . . .what? What happens now? How can you just change everything? Does this mean I don’t go to Hell?” Brian’s usual calm suavity had completely deserted him.

“I’m God, you know, omnipotent, I make the rules. I can also change the rules. Right now I think the best thing is for you to go back to Justin, you might like to know that I gave Justin the same choice and he made exactly the same decision for exactly the same reasons.”

Debbie looked fondly, smiling at one of her favourite sons.

“Silly twat!” Brian was beginning to smile himself.

“You have to go back, you will remember nothing. You’re being given the chance to start all over again. Don’t blow this chance, you still have the power to fuck it up, continue to live your lives with love. You will not remember anything you have been through. Although at times you may be reminded subconsciously with a black feather.”

 

Brian stalked through the fog, slightly confused by this strange compulsion to approach the twink lounging against the pole, across the street in Liberty Avenue. Sure he looked hot, sweet, kind of angelic. But what the fuck? He’d just had his dick sucked hadn’t he?

‘Not very well’, he smirked ruefully.

“Maybe I’ve had enough?” Brian was unaware he was talking to himself as he approached the young man before him.

“There’s no such thing as enough!” he smirked.

He softly approached his prey as if he was almost worried he might frighten it away.

Was that a black feather on his shoulder?

Justin had just about had enough of his first experience of Liberty Avenue, ‘fancy that fucker telling me to go on home to my mummy!’

He locked gazes with the vision in front of him.

Hazel eyes boring into blue, blue responding with interest.

“How’s it going? You had a busy night?”


End file.
